My Sanctuary
by Kiwi Ninamori
Summary: Hisoka sacrifies the most important thing to him all to save the life of his partner, Tsuzuki his love for him. Muraki has made a deal that if he loses all memory of Tsuzuki, he will save him.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yami No Matsuei!

**Speacial Thanks:** Jaz Hall for being my beta reader for this story! Thanks allot!

**Prologue**

Terrified. That was the only word that could describe my eternal fear. No other word could compare to the fear welling up within me. A sudden rush of pain, sorrow, anger, and fear came at me all at once. It hit me so fast I almost had no time to react. The pressure of it all at once took its tole on me. At the very next moment I was on my knees, shivering constantly as if I couldn't dare stop. My throat burned with intensity as gallons of red hot blood rushed to the top within me and let out all at once. I stared at my hands, stained with my own blood, the blood that seemed to flow from my mouth, never ending. I was shaken to the bone, where even my heart could feel the intense trembling of my limbs.

"Hisoka! Get yourself together!" Tsuzuki rushed to my side, his hand on my back and the other holding up my chin. "I'm sorry you had to come, but you have to keep yourself together, long enough for us to destroy Muraki for good. Think! If we do, we can live the rest of our immortal lives in peace. I promise, I won't let him hurt you again. I promise, Hisoka. I will protect you." His eyes were watering as much as mine were and then he held me. His chest closely embracing my own, his breath close enough that my ears tingled at its touch. I had never been embrace by Tsuzuki in such an emotional way, yet I was extremely happy. Happy for the moment, but then I was stricken by this...feeling. As soon as this embrace comes to an end, so will we. We may never see each other again. I know already being dead made it almost impossible to die again, but if there was another place after a second death, I was sure we were going there. Something told me that I would never get to embrace Tsuzuki like this again...and it made me tearful. I would never get to confess this feeling that has grown so much over the course of our partnership.

I didn't have long to linger on the thoughts of our demise. Tsuzuki grabbed me by the hand and drew me from the floor. He stood me up gently and told me to follow him into the unfamiliar mansion. I stayed behind him, still fixated on the thought as before. I doubted we would be able rid the world of Muraki for good, but maybe, just maybe we could sustain his power, long enough to arrest him. The only faith assuring me of this was having Tsuzuki so comfortingly squeezing my hand out of his own fear.

"Tsuzuki?" I stuttered beginning to feel his grip tighten with dread. He suddenly stopped, staring at me with those adorable purple eyes of his.

"Is something wrong, Hisoka?" I couldn't dare lie to him, not now, not with that expression.

"I'm actually scared for us...like I will never see you again-"

"Hisoka! Move!" Tsuzuki jerked me all of a sudden as I heard gun fire. I didn't realize how red my face got when Tsuzuki drew me so close to him, yet another time. I could hear his heart racing, as my head was drawn closer into his chest. "Are you alright, Hisoka?"

I blushed again, "Yeah, just a little shaken up."

"That's good." He smiled at me charmingly and then got up off the floor. "Come on, it seems as though Muraki already knows we're here."

"Very deceptive of you to notice Mr. Tsuzuki, dear. Oh, I was hoping it would be just you and me. But you decided to bring that brat with you today, well we can fix that for good, my love." Before we had a chance to react, Muraki pulled the trigger of his gun.

"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki grabbed my shoulder without hesitation and forced me beneath his sheltering body. I winced, expecting a sharp pain from a silver bullet, but instead received a cool, refreshing drop of liquid. My eyes fluttered open and was greeted by the sight of Tsuzuki on top of me, with a tear in his eye.

"Tsuzuki, why! You know we can't die from some messy bullet!" He smiled, getting off of me only to cry out in pain as he spit out blood.

"I knew this would be different." He gave a struggled cough before collapsing onto the cold, hard floor.

"Baka! Idiot! I can take care of myself!" I yelled shaking his motionless body. After he gave no response, I panicked. "What the hell did you do to him you bastard?!"

He smiled, "Even though this wasn't expected, I can rearrange anything to benefit me."

"What are you talking about!"

He gave me a disturbing smile. "I was hoping he would actually let you get hit, and I would have him all to myself. You see, this is no ordinary bullet, made especially to remove immortal creatures, such as ourselves, from the brink of existence." I quickly returned my attention back to Tsuzuki, who seemed to fade off and on into weakening gray.

"Tsuzuki! Come on, you can survive this. You can survive anything." I was violently shaking his stomach and crying desperately. I feared my previous beliefs were correct. Maybe this was the last time I would be with Tsuzuki. "Tsuzuki! Wake up! Please!" I felt my face burning with pain and sorrow. Why did it have to be like this, why did this have to happen? "Tsuzuki...you bastard! You can't do this to me," I whispered, clenching his shirt tightly in my fist and furiously rubbing my head into his chest. "You can't die because of this bastard! I won't let you leave me!"

"Hisoka...please don't do that," Tsuzuki struggled to say even that, his voice cracking with his last words. "I don't want you to worry about me." His lower lip curved upward, carrying only stray traces of the blood he was coughing up before. I cried more at the sight of him in this state. He looked so vulnerable, so different from my normally invincible savior.

"Why did you do this for me...I don't deserve it. My hands are tainted with other people's blood...my thoughts are corrupted with other people's emotions! I'm not worth saving!"

"Shut up! Damn. You make yourself seem so weak, but you never were. And you're too damn cute for your own good." He smiled painfully and released a deep breath. His eyes slowly shifting off into his head as his muscles loosened.

"Tsuzuki?" There was no reply. I hadn't expected one. The last of his spirit was drifting away. "Tsuzuki!" I said it again, quietly, to whatever was leaving. I thought I could feel its leaving taking place, the way one can feel a small whisper of a breeze at night. Now I was all alone. I felt the lonesomeness, the uncertainty, and a great sadness. This had been the one I loved, the now swiftly cooling man in my arms. But he was simply a body now. I wiped briefly at my eyes, which had filled suddenly with tears. I carefully laid his lifeless body down and faced Muraki, fire burning in my eyes. "Bring him back you bastard! I know you know how, after all you love him too!" I accursedly pointed at him.

He gave a tortured laugh, "Of course I know how, but what would I be getting in return?" He smiled at me wantonly. "You get to live another minute, but only if you want to offer a life for a life."

"What!"

"You say you belong to me and I will bring Tsuzuki back. Of course we will have to make sure you won't have anything to come back to."

"What do you mean?"

"Forgetting Tsuzuki and you ever met, and you will stay with me for eternity."

"What type of deal is that! I lose either way!"

"But wouldn't it be enough to know Tsuzuki is still alive and safe from harm? What do you say Hisoka? Will you belong to me to save him, or be selfish?" I frowned and turned toward Tsuzuki, who's body was fading more quickly than before. Life wasn't worth living if I couldn't live it with Tsuzuki, but I love him too much to let it end this way. My only regret is that I never got to tell him what my feelings toward him really were.

"Alright Muraki, you win."


	2. A Terror Named Fate

**Chapter One  
A Terror Named Fate**

Why? Why can't I forget? Why are these dreams tormenting me...could they actually have happened?

"I'm sorry for making you go through such a terrible ordeal. Its just...its just that I wanted to speak with you. But now that I have the chance, I don't know where to begin." The voice floated from the surrounding silence and darkness. The voice was so pleasant, so...peaceful, that I became dazed by it as I sat there in complete darkness. For some reason I had been crying, alone in the comforting darkness; with my legs at my chest and my arms tightly protecting them.

"It smells so...pleasant," I whispered imagining the enchanting scent of this person who was in the darkness with me. His scent was very pleasing and his voice, so very alluring. I longed to know more about this person, yet I felt as though I already knew who he was.

"You can sense it? Even though you're in a dream?"

"It's not just the smell...I feel it too. It's the pain. I can feel it..."

"What are you saying?"

"I can feel people...their emotions, like they're actually there."

"Than what is it you feel from me...though I am here and not here at once."

"I feel...immeasurable pain and sorrow. If you...if you would just leave me alone...I wouldn't have to feel this pain!" I was suddenly yelling, more tears rushing to my eyes. It wasn't the pain that surrounded him like an aura, but it was the cause of the pain. Something has happened to me, was causing me to feel pain. I had lost something so important, but I couldn't remember what that important thing was. If it was truly that important could I have forgotten it so easily, almost unresistingly?

"Do you really want to be alone?"

I suddenly looked up at this person, and unlike before, I had the urge to know who he was, what he looked like. "Yes, more than anything." His expression saddened, had I offended him.

"But wouldn't loneliness lead to more pain and suffering? I want to help...I don't want you to be alone-"

"Stop! I just want you to go, I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone."

"I see. Can you...wait a little longer?"

"Huh...?" Why had he asked me that? He didn't want me to wake up from this dream, if I did I would probably forget again.

"I'm concerned about your well-being."

"You liar!"

"What?"

"Everyone here is only thinking of themselves. Nobody is thinking about my feelings at all!" In a quick reaction I saw an image of Muraki; his evil smile, lustfully hungry for me. If I could remember him, why couldn't I recall one thing about this person who obviously knew me.

"I guess you don't understand me." He stood up, I saw a shy tear in his eye.

"I don't even understand who _I_ am anymore. I don't want to know about other people!" I was lying, the entire time. All I could think about was how I wanted to know more about this person. Who was he? Why has he constantly been in my dreams, in the dreams where it seems as though I can't wake up? Why couldn't I remember, no matter how much I wanted to?

I felt sheets straighten underneath me, and my naked skin against cool, crisp sheets. At once I knew I was in my bed, and I thought perhaps that it had been all a dream. Everything. All of it hadn't happened, it was all a dream. I sighed and struggled to open my eyes. The pain lessened just a little. I couldn't tell how long I had closed my eyes, but it seemed like hours ago I had fallen victim to that . Very weakly I reached up to touch my head, for I couldn't feel the pain much anymore. The first rays of new morning light filtered through the soiled window, and I shielded my face, protecting my sensitive eyes. I sat up, but stiffness caused me to pause and stretch. Taking short, sluggish steps, I meandered to the window and peered onto the yard below. Everything about this place reminded me of where I grew up. Then, I'd been so eager to escape my desolate surroundings. I sighed, my eyes roamed the room, pausing, reflecting, soaking up every image of the lustful looking man standing in my door way. He approached me with an awkward smile on his face, a smile that made me feel bumps raise on the back of my neck. Then he stroked his hand over my tired eyes and lips with his cold, unwanted fingers.

"If you don't hurry you will miss school." He laughed to himself and then walked back to the door. "I'll be waiting outside, hurry up, ok Hisoka."

Once he closed the door behind him I walked to the bathroom, checking myself in the mirror. "A dream? That dream...it feels more real than my life now."

"Hisoka." His voice cronned softly as his eyes lightly slid open. He looked around the room a couple of times before being satisfied with the fact, he's not dead.

"Glad to see you finally awake Tsuzuki," Tatsumi said reluctantly to the sight of Tsuzuki's beautiful violet eyes.

"How long was I out for?" He groaned, brushing the hair from his face with a displeased look.

"Two weeks." Tatsumi looked down once he saw Tsuzuki's startled expression.

"Where's Hisoka? Is he ok?" Tsuzuki stood up, getting dressed.

"Hisoka..." Tatsumi joined Tsuzuki on his feet and walked over to him, "Hisoka hasn't been seen since then. Everyone has been looking for him, but no luck yet."

"What the hell! Then why are you standing here, we should all be looking for Hisoka!" Tsuzuki grabbed his coat and headed for the door, not giving into the pain erupting from his chest.

"Tsuzuki! Wait! You are in no condition to go out looking for him. You have to stay and rest."

"What are you saying Tatsumi? Hisoka's out there and no one is making an effort to find him. I have to find him...I promised him I would protect him. I said I wouldn't let anything happen to him." Tatsumi refrained from the effort of stopping Tsuzuki when he noticed the man's eyes suddenly overflow with tears.


	3. Ways To Win A Heart

Chapter Two

Ways To Win A Heart

It was lunch break on a balmy spring day at Katsumi High. Two classmates and I exploded from the doorway onto a small square where we found a shady spot. We all wore the regulation blue slacks and shirts that was now the 'fashion' for everyone at this all boys school.

Laughing and joking we opened our lunch packs. "How can you stand it? I wouldn't last one hour under the same roof with Muraki sensei!" said Sanaka.

"I think he only became the nurse to keep an eye on his precious lover, right Hisoka?" Ketsu added.

"Don't even joke!" I laughed, knowing my frivolity irked him.

"But it was only a week ago when we found out about you liking men, from your relationship with Muraki. How long do you think you can hide this from the school board?"

"One thing...I'm not with Muraki, we just live under the same roof! Second...do you think we would be the only student-teacher relationship around here if we were together? So calm down." I grinned.

"You should be more cautious, Hisoka." He scolded.

"I don't want to end up like you, Ketsu..." I laughed again, "a prissy worry wart. Spring is in the air. Let's enjoy it!" Besides," I rolled my eyes, "I'm normally serious, so I have the right to joke and have fun once in a while."

Sanaka, sensing tension, changed the subject. "Want to check out the new restaurant after school?"

"Why not? Maybe we can find you two some men, and get you off of my love life." I said between mouthfuls of food. I couldn't resist saying it. Sanaka and I broke out into laughter, even Ketsu couldn't resist. Suddenly my breath caught, "oh my god, look at that..." My classmates turned to where I was looking.

A tall handsome man was striding across campus. What most impressed me beyond his fashionable black pants and open arrow shirt was his nonchalant walk. Self-confident appearing, he seemed oblivious to his surroundings. He was by far the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my entire being. I saw him from the side at first, but I knew him to be incredible, extraordinary and even in a way, magical. He was a tall lean creature, and his eyes were set immensely on an evening landscape. But for a moment there was just him, and me everything else in the world was foggy and indecent. I cared not for them; I could care less for anything of the sort. I stared at him, and he became clearer as everything else went darker.

How I wanted to touch him, I wanted to make sure he was real. He had captured my mind, my heart and my soul without trying, truly I was no match for him, but I needed to see him, to talk to him. My entire being longed to have a moment with just him and me.

I watched as his eyes squinted for a mere second, as though he were greatly irritated, and as though he knew fully well that I was watching him, in a smooth delicate motion he turned his head and looked at me.

I knew my blood had gone cold and all the color had flushed from my face. I found myself paralyzed to move, unable to do anything but stare at him, even as I could see that he was confused, as it was written all over his face. He looked exactly like the person from my dreams, the man who was so caring and gentle.

No words could describe him, nor his appearance, but I could try hard with all the words that meant beautiful. His skin was white as snow, that was how I describe it, so white that he looked dead. But it was smooth, powdered smooth, glowing in the faint light luminously. His dress shirt exposed his collarbones and the beginning of a long, thin neck, and the perfect oval face that made me shiver with a certain desire. His hair, a deep auburn was neatly done, the bangs fell down over his forehead and into his breath-taking hypnotizing violet eyes, that seemed to tell a story all on their own. Dazzling as they were, they were startling in a way. When I saw those eyes upon me, I felt as thought they were drilling a hole into my soul, peering at me in a way that would give me nightmares.

"Violet eyes?" I marveled.

"That's rare," announced Ketsu. The young men stopped at a secluded spot, examining the students. I was fascinated.

"He's new right?" Sanaka added, "I've never seen him around here. He looks in his 20's."

"Handsome too." I sighed. "I forgot men could look like that."

Ketsu smirked. "He's years older than you." Sanaka interrupted again.

I smiled, "I've always find older men more attractive."

"Forget it, Hisoka!" Ketsu argued. "He's strange. A melancholy sort, a loner. Plus what about Muraki? How do you know he even likes boys?"

"Hmmm..." I said finishing my lunch, "give me two weeks. I can change that."

Sanaka jumped to his feet and stared down at me. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Yes," I smiled, looking over at Ketsu. "Yes, a dinner date...give me two weeks."

"Trapped by your own words", mutter Ketsu, "so bourgeois."

"If you lose, big mouth," cried Sanaka, "you have to do my homework for a month!"

"Mine too!" chorused Ketsu.

"Too easy." I smiled sticking my nose up in the air.

"Fine if that's to easy..." Sanaka smirked evilly and laughed. "You have to get him your bed!"

"What the hell? I'm no slut, Sanaka!" I jumped up facing him.

"Fine...and I was going to do your homework and class work for two years. But you can quiet if you want and start on my paper today, Hisoka."

"Damn you, Sanaka. You're on. But since the arrangements have changed, I get a whole month."

"Deal." Sanaka slapped my back and smiled.

As we walked back into the school building, I turned to look at the man under the tree. "Don't worry, I'll get him to take me somewhere."

A/N: Hi everyone. I know this isn't what anyone expected and it wasn't what I expected either, but doesn't it seem more interesting than before. I just think its so funny and cute, I had to try to see how it works out into my already planned plot for the story, so please review. I want to know if you like where this is going.- Kiwi Ninamori.


	4. Fate And Destiny

**Chapter Three**

**Fate and Destiny**

_I was dreaming...in my dream, I was laughing very happily. Although inside my heart anger was burning. A blazing fire of rage, and at the same time in my heart there was also worry and sorrow, but in the dream I...no, that person was so strong that they could laugh out loud and forget about anger and sadness. That person was talking to me about something. Something that happened in the past...something I couldn't remember. I wanted to know what he was talking about, but my mind wouldn't let me grasp the event. He kept telling me about something that happened to me...which was why I couldn't remember anything he was telling me. I laughed at his explanation...it seemed almost impossible to comprehend, yet I so badly wanted to believe him. I want so badly to believe...that the life I was living now was not the life I was accustom to. That in my old life, he was somehow involved. I wanted to believe it, I wanted to have that kind of strength, I truly do, I wish..._

Bolting upright on my bed and stared at the sun that had barely come from hiding, my heart was pounding. "He seemed so real, and then not real, but strangely familiar." My dreams have come back again; it has been two days since I had any. I was wandering if they'd ever come back, and now they're back, but different. These new dreams are nothing at all like the ones before.

I twisted under the sheets and gently removed Muraki's hand from my waist. That bastard had the nerve to crawl into my bed as I slept again. He rolled over and I remained still, until I heard his low, smooth snore. I wiggled from the bed and stood by the edge, searching in the darkness for some clothes, and then I remembered-my shirt and pants were by the front door, right where Muraki peeled them from my body last night. Even though he managed to get me in my boxers, I eagerly declined from his offer last night. "Love, you are a sight to wake up to," Muraki crooned, his voice still full of sleep. "Come back to bed." He could only see my silhouette, but I still felt his smile. He pulled me down onto the bed despite my frustration to get away. His lips nuzzled against my neck. "Where were you going on your only day off?" My head fell back as I let myself enjoy the sensation of his tongue gliding up to my face. Regardless, I hated the feeling, knowing it was him that was touching me and not the guy from my dream.

"I-I was going out with my friends." Muraki leaned back suddenly and clicked on the nightstand lamp.

"Where are you all going?" His eyes narrowed and he pouted slightly.

"Just to a restaurant I promised them I would go to two days ago."

Muraki frowned. "Why not go two days ago then…I wanted to spend today with you?"

My eyes opened wide, "you were the one who called me home before we could go!"

Muraki relaxed and kissed me, eager to end the conversation. He pulled me back against his chest, resting my head on his shoulder, stroking me until bumps rose on my arm. "Are you cold?" he asked, as he wrapped the sheet around me.

"No, it's just your touch." I rolled over onto him. "I have to go."

"I want you to stay. I enjoy being with you, Hisoka." His eyes told me he meant what he said. "Come on, Hisoka. You denied me last night. How long can you keep me?" He asked, as his hands moved from my shoulders, caressing and kneading the rest of me. I could feel the heat of him as he pushed me against the mattress; which was weird sense he was normally extremely cold like the living dead, and laid his weight on top of me. Desire shined through his eyes. Moments ago, I would have mistaken his stare for love. But now I knew he wanted nothing more than the pleasure my body could bring. "You are so beautiful." The tips of his fingers brushed against my face. My plastic smiled disappeared.

-Meanwhile-

"Tatsumi!" Tsuzuki's voice echoed through the hallway as he barricaded the door. He took short, quick breaths once he had found him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Tatsumi wined crossing his arms.

"I need you to ask the chief if I could get a day off! Please! It's very important." Tsuzuki was now getting on his knees with a pathetic puppy dog face.

"Why! For you can go waste money on some sale at a pastry shop?" Tatsumi spoke sarcastically, becoming very irked by Tsuzuki's pleading.

"I need more time to get Hisoka!"

"Hisoka! But just yesterday you were telling me he was a lost cause. Even though you knew where he was, he didn't have any clue who you were. And you even tried reminding him in his sleep, which just convinced him you were crazy."

"I know, I know. But Hisoka still needs to be saved, regardless if he remembers or not. I can't stand by while that pervert Muraki cares for him. Plus, I'm sure he will notice me face-to-face, right?" Tsuzuki popped out his bottom lip and let tiny tears carry to his cheeks.

"Fine. If you think it will work, I'll get the chief to let you off."

"Thank you so much Tatsumi!" Tsuzuki jumped to his feet and embraced the taller man.

-Present-

Me and the guys were so intent on checking out the new place that we didn't mind it being a bar. But despite our eagerness, they wouldn't let us in so we ended up going to Ketsu's place. His parents weren't home and we were going to play poker. Unexpectedly that plan was ruined too when Ketsu inveigled us down into the wine cellars, which we entered by means of the secret spare set of keys. Together we crept through the great vaults where bottles of all sorts were lying under cobwebs for ages, most I didn't even know how to pronounce. Ancient stone arches rose above them supported by pillars as thick as ten trees, irregular flagstones lay underfoot, and on all sides were ranged rack upon rack, tier upon tier, of bottles and barrels. It was fascinating. With poker forgotten, we tiptoed from end to end holding a candle in trembling fingers, peering into every dark corner, with a single question growing more urgent in my mind every moment: what did the wine taste like? Muraki always had some type of exotic drinks around the house, but of course I was forbidden to tasting any of them.

There was an easy way of answering my curiosity. I-over Ketsu's fervent protests-picked out the oldest, weirdest, greenest bottle I could find, and, not having anything to extract the cork with, broke it off at the neck. Huddled in the furthest corner, I sipped at the heady crimson liquor, wondering when I'd become drunk, and how I'd tell when I was. I didn't like the taste much, but I had to admit how grant and complicated it was. I remained there quietly trying to explore the full affect, until Ketsu and Sanaka found me. Ketsu was furiously commanding me to leave the wine alone, but was over ruled when Sanaka joined me and took a bottle. Before I knew it Ketsu was drinking it too. The funniest thing was watching Ketsu and Sanaka, they seemed to be getting more and more muddled: falling over, giggling senselessly, and changing their faces, each trying to be uglier than the other.

Finally, and almost simultaneously, we discovered what it was like to be drunk.

"Do you like doing this?" gasped Ketsu, after vomiting copiously.

"Yes," I said, in the same condition.

"And so do I," Sanaka added stubbornly.

"Why are we doing this anyway?" Ketsu continued, finally throwing the bottle aimlessly into the air, only to watch it shatter into hundreds of pieces.

"I don't know..." I giggled, "but I have to be going now. I promised Muraki I would spend half of the day with him. It was the only way to get him off of me this morning."

Ketsu and Sanaka both groaned in disappointment as I wobbled to my feet. I carelessly knocked over a couple of barrels as I headed for the door and into the sidewalks. I felt unusually warm and care free. I was beginning to think I was seeing things when I noticed that same violet eyed man walking on the of the sidewalk in front of me. And as thinking that I didn't bother to stop and ended up walking straight into him. I landed on my butt and waited for the world to stop spinning.

"Sorry...about that...I-I l..little ..d..dizzy." I stuttered.

"Hisoka?" He looked at me concerned and confused.

"How do you know my name?"


	5. Explanation

**Chapter Four**

**Explanation**

_A obsessively warm feeling overwhelmed me after my world faded into darkness as I fell. A feeling so intense, all I wanted was to linger in it's eternal glow. This feeling...I want to keep it forever. I wanted to keep this feeling for as long as I love. As awkward as this feeling was for me, this wasn't the first time I felt like this. This warm, comforting feeling is familiar, it's not my first time feeling this ay after seeing the same person. I felt like I was floating on air, though I could feel his strong, gentle hands prod my legs and beneath my back. He, without struggle, lifted my limp body._

I woke up slowly, nose wrinkling at the unfamiliar smells around me, one hand rubbing at me eyes. The moonlight fell in an unfamiliar slant across the bed, the shadows of the room strange. Brow furrowing, I uttered the only phrase that came to mind at the moment.

"What the hell?"

Still disoriented with the last traces of sleep, I kicked the thin sheet off my legs. I pushed myself up, bleary eyes squinting as I raised my face into the moonlight. My forehead creased, my mind fumbling to organize the scattered images of my memory. My concentration was broken when a soft knock sounded at the door. My brain wasn't entirely functioning yet, and it took me a moment to realize there was knocking on a bedroom door.

I glanced around the room. I didn't have a five drawer dresser like the one nestled against the far corner, nor a beaded lamp like the one set beside the large bed, which I noted with growing unease, was also certainly not mine. Another gentle knock startled me and I took a deep breath before calling out, "Come in."

I wasn't prepared for the older man with a disturbing resemblance to some to open the door, but my foggy mind couldn't quite grasp who he really looked like. I determined I was dreaming, but that didn't excuse the stranger-familiar person.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

The older man lifted a brunet eyebrow curiously. "You started to worry me, when you fainted," he said with a chuckle.

The warm sound startled me, his laughter resonating through my chest. A sharp pang of something not quite pain twisted in my gut as those familiar violet eyes continued to watch me. I had the sudden urge to pinch myself, just to check if I really was dreaming.

Instead, I continued to stare at him suspiciously, leaning back and one hand tensing at my side. It... there was a sense of familiarity there that was almost painful, and I distrusted it immediately. How could anyone look like him, how could anyone (besides a select few) look at him and not be happy? His smile was so warm and familiar, yet it brought me to tears inside. Something I did...something I did hurt this smile. Something I did almost prevented this smile or this person to ever exist.

"Are you going to keep staring at me or are you coming down for dinner?" the man asked, his voice hinting at a sudden uncertainty as I remained silent. He sighed and stepped into the room.

I leaned back into the headboard, eyes narrowing as the man approached me. A large hand lifted, reaching out, seeking contact.

"Hisoka..." The older man's brows drew in, perplexed at the way he was acting. "What's wrong...?" He tilted his head. "Did you have a bad dream or something?" I shook my head, eyes narrowed and my heart speeding up faster in my chest.

"Who are you?" I repeated, more forcefully this time. "And where am I?" I scooted to the opposite side of the bed and stood, putting as much space between myself and the overly familiar stranger as possible. The man was frowning now in confusion, unwittingly mirroring the exact expression in my memory. I could feel the moonlight warm against my back and I briefly considered fleeing through the window

The man sighed in exasperation, shaking his head. "Hisoka..." My eyes suddenly narrowed and without my being able to follow the movements, I was next to the bed, a strong hand grasping my chin, his gaze searching me. "It must be painful," he said in concern. "Muraki giving you trouble again?"

I gaped at him in shock, and I shook my head dumbly. The name Muraki coupled with the sudden up close features made it all click in my head. "Muraki...damn..."

A smile softened the features of the man who, by all rights, shouldn't have been standing less than a foot in front of me, peering into my face with obvious concern. "You still remember him obviously. I can't say the same for me though."

I shook my head, breaking free of the man's grip. "This...this isn't possible," I muttered. My eyes suddenly sharpened on the older man. A game...it had to be. I was fairly certain now that someone was playing a very twisted joke on me. It was the only explanation. Who was this man, he seems to know me, yet I've never seen him? I straightened, my anger almost visible as I glared at the man. "How do you know about me..." I murmured? "Are you a friend of Muraki's?" My fists clenched at my side.

"Hisoka," the man said gently, as if addressing a child, "you may not remember me."

"What the hell is going on here?" I demanded. "Where the hell am I?"

"You don't know, because Muraki made it so. He is hiding things from you, Hisoka!

The man watched the emotions move unchecked overmy face and I felt a sudden weight jerk inside me, as if my heart had suddenly plummeted into my gut. I realized with a faint trace of horror, I didn't know anything going on in my own life.

"This...but..." I turned sharply and grabbed his shoulders, my gaze searching again.

I released his shoulders again, resuming my panicking and not noticing the look that crossed his face. "You really are keep in the dark." He murmured to himself.

"But...I want to know." I felt dizzy at the implications of it, and all the attempts to blandly analyze it were going straight to hell. Fragments of scenes I've never experienced burned in my mind all at once. Things I wanted to be explained, things I wanted to know.

"Hisoka?" he whispered.

I felt unusually woozy. He caught me in mid-fall and he lowered me to the floor, I was cradled in his lap. I pushed his hands away, vaguely embarrassed at the brief loss of control.

"Hisoka," he asked carefully, "what's the last thing you remember?"

I rubbed my temple and closed my eyes in thought. "Let's see...yesterday I was with Muraki...and then..." my brow furrowed as I dug through the haze in my head.

The man frowned at that. "Then how long can you remember back? Number of days of weeks."

He frowned, glad my eyes were closed so I wouldn't have to look at his face in his saddness. "About three weeks." I answered.

He absently reached for me again, trying to calm me down. "And... you don't remember before that time?"

"I can't."

He stared blankly at me. "That's it?"

"Yes!" I finally wrestled free of his grip and stood, I felt that flutter in my stomach again and decided to avoid that question for the time being. I shrugged it off and turned to him. "Now, where am I?"

"It doesn't matter." He somehow looked very disappointed at my changing the subject. "I'll take you home."

I sighed, not wanting to apologize but realizing one was in order. "Look--I'm sorry," I said softly, not looking at him and his back stiff. "I don't know what you are talking about. But it must be important if you make it seem this much of a big deal. I'm just... confused." More than confused. Then I remembered the conversation me and my friends had before. I was with the guy I told them I would get, but not like I had wanted before. "What's your name?"

"Asato Tsuzuki."

"Tsuzuki..."


	6. Absolutely Sinful

**Chapter Five**

**Absolutely Sinful**

"This is your home?" Tsuzuki stared quizzically at the bizarre mansion. I found his sudden analytical attitude rather humorous.

"Actually this is Muraki's house."

He jumped in astonishment, "you live with your doctor 24/7."

"Doctor? He works at the school infirmary."

"Then why are you staying with him!" Tsuzuki spoke loudly and worriedly. I paused in thought. Why am I staying with Muraki? What am I to him? Now that I thought of it, I don't recall when I first started to live with him. Like I just woke up one day and was there. I remember feeling extremely cold and lonely after waking to his uncomforting, half-hearted eyes that first time. If that is true, when exactly did I stumble into this world that I had no familiarity to. There was a reason I felt so disconnected to this place. To this place, my life, these people, and my memories. I was actually beginning to believe I was living in a dream and that my dreams were the actual reality. I was living in a illusion. "Hisoka?" I jumped suddenly realizing I was standing in the doorway, about to open the door when I had blanked out in thought. Tsuzuki looked at me with that same overwhelmingly worried expression that made me blush in embarrassment. "Are you ok? You're just standing there like you just saw a ghost." I nearly died of embarrassment; my heart was pumping ten times as much blood than usual.

"Oh...I...", nothing came to mind as a good enough excuse so I just pretended it didn't happen. "Would you like to come inside, I could get you something to eat?" I smiled politely opening the door. He paused as though he was in deep thought.

"Sure. Just for a moment."

Awkwardly when I opened the door the lights were off. Muraki usually kept them on and at night as well, but why were they off. Was he out? This was certainly odd, maybe we were robbed and the thieves cut the lights to quite curiosity. I dropped my key on the nearest surface and I very cautiously went looking from room to room, and to the back door, checking every window, seeing if anything valuable was missing.

I went from room to room, but it was the same as I had left it. It was white and somewhat cold and boring and kinda messy. But there was nothing out of place, there was nothing missing. Everything was just...fine.

I lingered in the doorway to my bedroom for a moment, wondering what in the hell I was sensing, if I hadn't been robbed or anything?

Hmm...weird.

I tried to shake it away. I lingered back into the living room and turned on a lamp. Tsuzuki casually sat on the couch as I pasted by him. The next thing I did was go into the kitchen and search for food. I turned on the light over the stove and opened the fridge.

Hmm...not too many appetizing things in here, let me tell you.

I didn't even take anything out of the fridge. I yawned and stretched my arms and closed the door to the fridge, leaning against it for a moment.

"Hmmm..." I shook my head. This night was just getting to be too weird. I should just go to bed, and not get up until Monday morning, when I'd have to go back to school. Not like that was much consolation. I didn't even want to think about school right now.

Suddenly I heard the phone ring. I went into the living room and picked up the phone that sat by the door. I leaned against the wall with the phone to my ear, the moment still lingered in the back of my mind, but I did my very best to try and push it away. "Hello?"

"Sorry Hisoka, I got called out and had to leave before you got home. I won't be back until later, so you have to cook for yourself. I'm especially sorry we didn't have us time."

"It's ok, I just got back anyway." I proposed, despite the fact that I was kind of out of it. I kinda wanted Muraki to say that he was busy or something so I could stay at home and go to bed.

There was a pause on the other end of the phone. "Did you have fun with your friends?"

I rolled my eyes. He was hoping I didn't, then he could comfort me tonight. "Yeah, we stayed longer than planned." I rolled my eyes and leaned against the wall. "When will you be back?"

"About midnight."

"Okay," I said. "I'll see you then."

He mumbled. "Bye, love."

I hung up the phone, slowly, and there was that sheer passing moment where I was caught between thinking there was something wrong, and knowing that everything was going to be okay. It was a peculiar feeling.

I stood at the phone, and something nagged at my mind. Something drifted in the air. It stood out, like it did when I first came into the room. I was suddenly blinking more than I could manage. I felt my jaw tremble just slightly.

"That's quite rude..." Tsuzuki was sitting on my sofa, right in front of me, his body laid down perfectly over the cushions, his face a confused tone, his violet eyes upon me. "Ingoring your guest..." he said in a sleek tone, while shifting his crossed legs.

"Sorry..." I whispered so meekly that I was afraid he would be offended, or scoff at me. I saw his expression darken. I knew already he was getting annoyed. I straightened up, although it took a little bit of energy. I cleared my throat and straightened out my jacket. "What's wrong?"

His expression softened. I noticed the way his white fingers gently tap- danced on his kneecap, while the other draped itself along the back of the sofa. He looked comfortable, and I couldn't help but look over him, drinking in his appearance. He was neither smiling nor frowning, but watching me with what looked to be sheer attention.

"That was Muraki?" He said, blinking once, very slowly, maybe to show off how lovely his eyelashes looked.

"Yes. He said he would be home late." I casually walked back to the kitchen, in search of food. As if I opened the fridge again, it would magically be filled with food, unlike several minutes ago. After another frustrating search for food I returned to the living room. "I'm sorry, but there is nothing to eat."

"Then let's call out for food. You can choose." He smiled childishly as the imagine of food replayed in his mind.

"Seems fair. My choice of food?"

"Of course." Tsuzuki, of all things, decided to order pizza. I agree to his request only because his expression was so pathentic the first time I declined his offer. "How about meat lover's."

"Several different types of meat? On a pizza?" I croaked in disbelief.

Tsuzuki smiled, the corners of his mouth turning up seductively. "Just wait, Hisoka. The taste is positively … sinful." As he pronounced the last word, Tsuzuki patted me on the head, ruffling my hair. The contact ended, and Tsuzukihad came to a decision. We sat down, and watched TV, Tsuzuki was taping in silence until the food arrived. He tipped the deliveryman, and carried the pizza back in, deciding not to bother with plates. I watched as Tszuki took his first bite, and an expression of bliss appeared on his face. His eyes curved cutely and his cheeks turned bright red. I could tell he loved to eat, and somehow it made me laugh. Like this expression on his face was so familiar to me. I felt like I was always discouraging his huge appetite, but now it was entertaining to watch.

"You have weird tastes," I muttered as Tsuzuki took a another bite of his piece of pizza.Then I took a bite myself. It was interesting, the spice of sausage mixing well with the tomato sauce and other meats. The taste was actually good. Tsuzuki looked over at me in surprise, to see me smiling at him with hooded eyes.

"No Hisoka, I have good tastes. I only want the best," Tsuzuki took a large bite of the pizza as if it would prove his point. All he did, however, was smear pizza sauce on the side of his mouth.

I felt my blood boil as I stared at that stain near Tsuzuki's lips. Tsuzuki placed his scarcely eaten sixth piece of pizza back in the box. I gave him a strange look. "You are actually full?"

"No, I'm hungry," he said. I looked at him suprisingly and then at the six missing slice spaces from the rest of the pizza. He frowned and groaned his disappointment.

"What's wrong? Do you have a stomach ack?" I questioned saracastically.

"No. I just wanted...something more sweet." He stared down at his stomach as I started to laugh uncontroably.

"Why didn't you order cinnanon sticks or something?" I managed to get out between laughs. Somehow I knew he couldn't live without those mouth watering sweets he loved so much.

"Cause...I didn't want you to pay so much. After all it's Muraki's money, right." Somehow he couldn't believe he just said that. He would give any chance to make Muraki suffer, even if it was something so trival as money.

I paused, trying to think of a solution. But the stray glaces I made to the adorable whining Tsuzuki made it almost impossible to think. "Then we will just have to improvise."

Tsuzuki's eyes widen as I leaned over and licked the sauce off of his mouth. He stared at me in astonishment.

"Is that sweet?" I asked quietly, looking at him seriously. "Is that what you want?" I smiled and it took Tsuzuki's breath away. He blushed dark red and traced the place where my lips had touched him. "It's easier than ordering more sweets, right?"

"Hisoka...?" He stared down at the floor in embarrassment.

I smiled, moving forward to whisper into his ear. "You're right, it is sinful." Tsuzuki stared puzzled at me. "The pizza I mean."


	7. Deadly Kiss

**Chapter Six**

**Deadly Kiss**

"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki stuttered. His clueless expression was so adorable, it seemed impossible for anything else to be so cute. I adored the look he gave me, which only kindled my urge to jump him. And without much struggle I gave into temptation. A part of me told me I desperately wanted him. These feelings that I only recently noticed, seemed to have matured over time, bringing me to believe I was once before enchanted by this person.

"Tsuzuki..." I leaned closer to the violet eyed, blushing man, giving him my most innocent face. "Will you...," before even finishing, I forcefully embraced Tsuzuki. Pressing my lips lustfully into his. I almost laughed at his ridiculous attempt to break away. I only followed, our lips still locked, as he tried to slip away. There was this voluntary abdication of his freewill, in this lonely submitting himself to me. It was a mixture of fantastic independence and blind obedience, something indescribable, intermediate between slavery and liberty, that he gave up.

I could only imagine the thoughts he was thinking right now. I still had no clue if he was straight before I kissed him. What if he was? Would he just shyly shove me away eventually, or fall victim to my feelings? Sadly I never found out, because that next second my whole world came crashing in.

The doorknob rattled as a hand tampered with the lock. Finally getting it to turn completely, the door creaked as it opened. My eyes flew open, which were closed due to the intensity of the moment, and I quickly parted slowly. My eyes watched enchanted as I backed away from his face inch by inch. I smiled after seeing his blush spread throughout his whole face. I would have died from a nose bleed myself, but it was to late for that. I had to get Tsuzuki out of there.

"Tsuzuki, come on!" I whispered standing up. I reached my hand out for his. He hesitated before grabbing my hands then followed me. "I'm sorry you have to leave so soon. But Muraki doesn't like unexpected guest." I briefly shoved Tsuzuki into the kitchen and through the back door. "Go!" I pushed one last time.

"Hisoka..." He stopped rushing and stood in the doorway. He shyly stared at his feet. "Why...why did you do that?"

"Hisoka. Where did you go?" Muraki's voice echoed from the living room. He walked into the kitchen, turning on the lights. I quickly shut the door and turned around rapidly, smiling to hide my suspicion. "What are you doing?" He laid his coat on the kitchen table and approached me. "I thought you would be asleep right now." Suddenly he smirked seductively. "Did you wait for me to come home?" He took another step closer as I took another step back.

"Hell no! Why would I do that?" I snapped, walking farther back until I felt the wall. And without haste, Muraki leaned over closer, cupping my cheek and forcefully pulling me towards him. My eyes widened as I felt cold, heartless lips grace over mine. An overwhelmingly empty feeling spread within me, completely opposite of the kiss I had just given Tsuzuki. His lips were sweet and hot. A warming sensation heated my blood when our lips touched, but that feeling completely dissipated the moment Muraki's lips touched mine. After what seemed like a hour of enduring a cold winter, Muraki finally released to breath.

"Tsuzuki..." He stared at me suspiciously. He looked deep in thought, how did he know? Has he ever kissed Tsuzuki, if not, how would he know how he tasted? And if he did, I finally know if Tsuzuki is a homo or not. "Hisoka...you had company over? Now that I mention it, you did have a rather large supply of pizza in the living room. And you don't eat that much."

My face paled, loosing whatever color remained after being drawn out by Muraki's cold touch. "What? No, it was just me." I answered just as soon as he asked me.

"I don't like being lied to, Hisoka." Was all he said before calmly walking out of the room. I sighed in relief as he walked out of sight and shivered nervously. Nothing was more frightening than a suspicious Muraki.

I headed upstairs after clearing away the mountains of pizza Tsuzuki left behind. Pausing when I arrived at my bedroom door, I heard Muraki unmistakably doing something vile in there. Rather than face his creepy attitude I thought I would explore his room. The moment I stepped in, the same frozen vibe I received from his kiss, came to me all at once. I shivered as I stepped in farther. His room was suspiciously dark, though every piece of decoration was white. It was exactly that reason why I avoided his room in the first place. After exploring his room, I started looking through his dresser.

"Tsuzuki..." I murmured startled, looking at a photograph. It was a photo of Tsuzuki, though he looked slightly younger. And not to mention he looked injured. He looked sad, his expression was so painful to watch. "Why does Muraki have a photo of Tsuzuki?"

"Long ago he was a patient of my father. He was hospitalized for a long time." Muraki suddenly appeared behind me with a smile.

"Oh, Muraki! I was just looking-"

"You know him?" He asked. His smiled scared me more, something was up.


	8. From My Mouth

**Chapter Seven**

**From My Mouth**

"Do you know him, Hisoka?" He smirked and placed a cold hand on my shoulder.

I shoved him away, "actually, I've seen him around the school campus and all." It wasn't a complete lie, the first time I saw him was at school. "Why, what's it to you!" I snapped back.

He smiled and stared off into space, looking seductive. "Actually...I was hoping to see him again. His last visit was way to brief. Next time you see him, make sure he stops by, understood?" I nodded obeying him, though I knew I would never turn Tsuzuki in like that. I could picture it now, Muraki violently raping the usually kind man. I shivered, terrorized by it.

"Hisoka!" I looked up. The teacher was glaring at me. "You are not with us today," he said.

"Sorry." I said.

He seemed satisfied, and continued. "As I was saying, the author was trying to demonstrate the misinterpreted feelings of humans. One can not force another in to loving them, even if they already think that person loves them back." As he talked, I envisioned my slender fingers holding a delicate and frighten Tsuzuki. Was that what I did when I kissed him without his consent. I turned my head towards the window, and jumped to my feet.

"Tsuzuki!" I saw that extremely attractive brunet leaning against a tree at the school gate entrance, most likely waiting for me to get out of school. A ripple of gasps from classmates filled the room. The teacher, obviously discomfited, cleared his throat.

"Hisoka, take your seat!" He stated, glaring at me again.

"Huh, oh...I have to go to the infirmary!" I yelled running from the room.

His face flamed, than addressing the whole class, he barked. "Alright everyone calm down." In the tense silence that hung in the air for a moment before he began lecturing again, my two friends giggled, thinking I needed Muraki for some perverted urge immediately. But it was a vision, a feeling that Muraki would obviously spot the violet eyed man as well. I ran by the infirmary, my hypothesis was right. The room was empty and Muraki was undoubtedly heading downstairs to meet him.

"I won't let you have him, you lecherous rapist!" I yelled to myself, rushing to the opposite flight of stairs. As I made it downstairs I noticed Muraki heading toward the door. I smiled, I could still beat him. I jumped out the closes window and charged for the man.

He heard my struggling breaths and turned around. "Hisoka?"

"Come on! Muraki's head this way!" I pulled the unexpected man out of the school yard and down the sidewalk.

Ten Minutes Of Running Later

String instruments played in the background, and a waiter hovered at our elbows. Tsuzuki and I smiled at each other across the white linen covered table. The luxurious restaurant was most unusual, but Tsuzuki seemed to have ways for knowing just the right place.

"How did we end up here as of from hiding from Muraki?" I asked softly.

"Because this place serves the best deserts!" He leaned back in his chair and smiled. "But the good memories are here as well, Hisoka." He laughed , sat up, and picked up his fork. And strugglingly tried to choose from the table full of every desert on the menu, to eat first. "Last time you wouldn't let me buy anything I wanted, but this is different."

"Last time?" I asked, shin in hand, adoring him.

"Yep." He said uninterestingly. He shook his head. "There are pieces of you and old you I like. If only you shared the same mind." He finally decided on which sweet to eat first and dug in.

"Well thanks a lot." I said sarcastically.

He put down his fork and smiled at me. "We can go somewhere you want next." I lowered my eyes and began eating the pie Tsuzuki had suggested I try.

"Sure."

Later that day we sat in a theater, waiting for the movie to begin. I thought a quiet, dark place would be perfect for hiding. It was warm and stuffy, and I attentively fanned Tsuzuki with a paper I had at hand. I looked up to the balcony where I know my two friends, Sanaka and Ketsu, would be perched. I had called them after eating, telling them I had already won part of the bet, going out with Tsuzuki. In disbelief, they followed us to the movies. They were there peering down at me. I raised my fan in a gesture of triumph. Ketsu beamed and cheered; Sanaka tossed his head. The beginning music of the movie rolled over us like an ocean wave, and I was swept along with it in the loveliness of being with the man I had now vowed to bed...whether he realized it or not. I sank down in my chair and laid my head on his shoulder. His eyes stayed glued to the screen, mine stayed glued on him. When I put my arm around his waist he turned and said softly, "maybe we should be heading back."

"But why? You promised we could do what I wanted to do!" I said in a high whisper.

"Well isn't a movie going to be long, plus you already skipped school?" He contradicted me.

I squinted my eyes, "you said anything. But we could always do something else?" A smiled quickly formed on my face.

He sighed, "no this is fine."

"Good." I leaned back over, wrapping my arms around his right one. I could see him blushing as the movie lights flare across the room. It only made him more attractive, I giggled.

And in a sudden realization, I blushed. It never occurred to me as what I was doing was weird and unusual. To those who knew me, I seem so strange because I am so forward. Somehow I feel like I am still the real me, the one Tsuzuki refers to. Only difference...I'm the me the real Hisoka wants to be. Friendly, social, completely true and loyal to my feelings. Would Hisoka be happy that I am him. He now has an excuse for loving Tsuzuki the way he does. because he is not himself, because he is me; he can now do things he had wanted to do as himself. And I now have an excuse for acting the way I do, because of Hisoka's original feelings. Whenever Tsuzuki is around, that part of Hisoka returns. His feelings, his love...I may feel what he feels but I will never understand these feelings I let resurface.

"I love you. Hisoka loves you." I explained. Tsuzuki stared at me startled. I smiled bashfully after saying that completely out of the blue. "You probably wonder why I am so affectionate toward you. Hisoka wanted to tell you himself, but he is afraid. Afraid you may not feel the same." I watched as Tsuzuki's face reddened and he frantically returned his stare to the movie. Though I am unaware of everything in the past, I can still hypothesize. I...no; Hisoka have always been afraid to prove my love. But there is still time. Maybe one day I will be normal...and when that happens Hisoka can be truthful. "When I am myself, I will tell you the right way. My feelings and the words that I can use to best describe them." I whispered to myself. Tsuzuki looked down at me again, I noticed he heard me, even though from then on he pretended he hadn't.


	9. Luck Is On My Side

**Chapter Nine**

**Luck Is On My Side**

I filtered out the annoying lecture our teacher was giving. I really had no interest in safety guide lines to follow by outside of school, feeling that I would never use them. It did complex why me as to why he would be going over these rules. I sat my text book up on the desk so I could hide my head, that was lazy leaning on my arms that were crossed. I felt as if I would pass out from boredom any moment now. With an ironic twist, the bell rang just as my eyelids closed. Jumping right back up along with the rest of the class, I gathered my things. Everyone else rushed out of the room, but I was quickly stopped by a pulled on the shoulder.

"Hisoka, do you mind telling me where you were yesterday after you skipped my class?" The teacher asked seriously.

I smiled, quickly saying the simplest excuse I could think of. "Oh, yeah. Well there was a family emergency I had to attend to."

"Really. I was sure Dr. Kazutaka didn't mention anything like that when I asked him." He added trying to sound sure of himself. I gave a weak smiled and shrugged my shoulders. He seemed to buy it or just not want to deal with the problem. "Anyway, during your absence I announced to the class that the we will be going on a three day trip to the hot springs. You are welcomed to join us, despite your rude farewell. But I refuse to let you go unsupervised. You and some of our other troubled youth will need a guardian to come along with you. And since I know your guardian happens to be Dr. Kazutaka, I'm sure he will keep you in line. And its better to have staff on the trip." He handed me a contract. "Get your guardian to sign this and bring it to me tomorrow, since that is when we will be departing." He released my shoulder and I left.

-Walking Home-

"I can't believe the trip is tomorrow!" Ketsu squealed. "I've always wanted to go to the hot springs!" He hugged Sanaka, who glanced at the contact. I snickered before Sanaka jabbed him in the ribs.

"So, have you packed yet?" Sanaka asked.

"I was up all night making sure I hadn't forgotten anything," Ketsu smiled, hardly containing the excitement the welled up inside him.

"Aren't you excited, Hisoka?" Sanaka asked, getting my attention away from the yellow contract in my hands.

"Are you kidding?" Ketsu asked. "He's never been to the hot springs, right?"

"In case you didn't know, I'm a little disappointed." I replied coolly. "I've never been to the hot springs, but I wouldn't like to go if it meant staying in the same room with Muraki for three days straight."

"Why?" Ketsu demanded. "Muraki is hot! I would kill to spend that much time with him!"

"He's telling the truth. He would sometimes hurt himself on purpose just so he can have an excuse to go to the infirmary." Sanaka spat. Ketsu blushed and murmured something that sounded like 'smart ass'. "So how are you going to convince him not to go?" e asked, ignoring Ketsu's heart shaped eyes as he imagined Muraki in nothing but a towel in the springs.

"I don't know."

-Home-

"What! Really!" I yelled, jumping from my seat at the kitchen table.

"Yeah. I have a conference in the morning that I can't miss, you I don't think I can go."

It looks like I lucked out on this one. I was jumping and screaming for joy inside my head. No Muraki! There truly was a god out there, and he showed me mercy. But that only brought one problem. I need a guardian to still go, but who would I get under such short notice.

-Morning-

"Tsuzuki, wake upppp!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I jerked off the blankets from his bed in one quick motion. I smiled as I watched him squirm in his sleep.

"Mmm…what time is it?" He moaned.

"Almost five."

He moaned loudly in protest. "Hmm…give me another hour at least, After all you did call me at ten at night, telling me to pack, which took another hour. Plus, you wanted me to take a shower and sleep in my clothes, so that I was ready first thing in the morning." He yawned every few words in response. After several more minutes of yelling he finally smiled and got out of bed and looked at himself in the full-length mirror. His messy brunet hair needed combing. He had planned on going to bed earlier, but alas- my forwardness always prevailed.

I picked up the pillow and the suitcase Tsuzuki had packed the previous night. We left for school, knowing that I would be there early. But I wanted to see Sanaka and Ketsu's expressions once I brought in Tsuzuki and not the expected Muraki.

When we arrived, the teacher looked surprised. "Where is Dr. Kazutaka, Hisoka?" He looked suspiciously at my brunet friend. Tsuzuki smiled and waved politely.

"He had a conference, so he insisted I take his friend with me." I explained, making up the last part. Muraki never knew I had Tsuzuki come with me, because I told him I would just stay with a friend's parent. The teacher groaned and walked away after he told me he wanted some errands done, so I did them. We packed up the buses and helped some of the faculty. Fifteen minutes later, at 5:55, other people began showing up. By 6:05, everyone was there.

I easily stopped my friends, chatting over by the buses. I pulled Tsuzuki's hand and lead him to them. "Come on, I want you to meet my friends." He struggled a little, but eventually allowed me to drag him along.

"Hi Sanaka, Ketsu." I told them. They both heard my voice and looked in my direction. Ketsu's eyes widen, as Sanaka just smirked.

"I see you convinced Muraki not to come." He added trying to sound smart. "So you lied and told the teach that your boyfriend is your guardian?" He asked in a matter-of-fact voice.

Tsuzuki jumped and looked at me. "Boyfriend?" He whispered, I just laughed at his pathetic expression. He looked terrified of me, but I found it extremely cute.

"Just calm down, Tsuzuki. They are just joking."

At 6:30 the teachers started calling students to the bus. We all got onto the bus, sitting with our roommates. Which meant I got to sit next Tsuzuki for the whole trip. Sanaka was a little disappointed to have to sit with a giddy Ketsu, he couldn't help fidget. On the bus, the teacher explained what would happen.

"We will be at the resort for three days. However, if you are exceptionally bad, you will be sent home. We will arrive at the resort in four hours. At the hotel, we will eat lunch and unpack. While we are at the hotel, you must stay on your gender's side of the hot springs. Since we are an all boys school, we don't want you to be harassing the female guest there. There will be no ditching your group either, and you will check into your room every twenty-four hours. If you want to leave the hotel, you have to take your guardian or teacher with you. The mini-bars have been emptied, so there will be no drinking. I will be checking on all the roommates every five hours, and on the Monday we leave. Understood." Everyone answer in an unison of 'yes sir'.

I had the window and Tsuzuki had the aisle. For the next few minutes before the bus actually went into motion, Tsuzuki was humming. It was so annoying tune so I ignored him. I resisted the urge to kiss him. He was so feminine, yet so non-girly at the same time. It was intoxicating to be near him. I was addicted.

He then suddenly put his hand on my shoulder and attempted to get my attention. "Hisoka?" I got the feeling that the attention I wanted to give his wasn't the kind of attention he wanted.

I cleared my mind and looked at him, hoping I wasn't blushing enough to be noticed. "What?" I snapped.

"Ah," He started. "Never mind."

I turned away. I wished I didn't intimidate him so much. I thought. Most of my thoughts were about him. About him under me, half the time, however much I tried to get hid of these thoughts. They were the ones that made me blush with pleasure, and sometimes even made me moan. I hated that. It was embarrassing.

I heard a light snore from beside me. Moments later, I felt something on my shoulder. I looked at Tsuzuki, who was sleeping and leaning on my shoulder. He looked so innocent, so vulnerable. I tried in vane to not think of him in that sort of way. Images rushed through my mind. I fought them off, and simply enjoyed the moment. Soon, I too, fell asleep, dreaming pleasant dreams of the violet eyed man I had come to love.

I couldn't stay asleep long because I woke up to a sense of warmth. I opened my eyes, and remembered that I was on the bus. Then I took note of my position. Some how Tsuzuki's head was in my lap from previously being on my shoulder, and I was leaning over onto him. I looked around to make sure no on saw us in such an intimate position, and carefully I tried to placed his head on my shoulder again. But I failed, he wouldn't move from the comfort of my lap.

I was going numb to the feeling of Tsuzuki leaning on me like this. His hand laid next the is head, gently grasping my leg. And his other arm was tightly pulled around himself for warmth. Every time his hand moved closer up my leg I groaned, in embarrassment. I resisted the urges I was now accustomed to. He seemed like he was using this trip to temp me, though I knew he wouldn't do something like that. Would he?

"How cute?" I heard a whisper for across the aisle and I quickened my attention toward it. Sanaka was watching the whole time as he sat in the aisle seat across from Tsuzuki. Ketsu just giggled, trying to contain himself once more. The situation was too cute from where they were sitting. I was sure they must have saw me blush a couple hundred times.

"Hisoka, you know better than to seduce a sleeping person." Ketsu teased, leaning over Sanaka so that I could hear him.

"I'm a little worried about letting you two have a room to yourself for three whole days, after watching you'll now." Sanaka replied coldly.

"Shout up! It's not like that!" I said in a very high whisper.

"Then _how_ is it, Hisoka? After all you did bet you could get him laid. And it has been three weeks already. You only have one week left." He stated knowingly. I blushed and didn't speak for the remainder of the drive.

When we arrived at the hotel, we got room 207. The room had a short hallway with a bathroom on the left side and a small closet on the right. In the large room there was a queen size bed in the center of the left wall and a T.V. stand and a desk opposite that. On the far wall was a glass double door leading out onto the small balcony. We were on the second floor.

All of the school staff stayed on the first floor as everyone else stayed on the second. The first floor had a small restaurant, two mini bars (both empty), the lobby, a pool, and the door to the hallway that split in half, girls on the left, guys on the right.

Each hallway lead to changing rooms with lockers and showers, then into the large, outdoor hot springs. They were gently sloped, with the deep end being four and a half feet deep. They were yin-yang symbol shaped, with a hedge separating the sides. There were islands in the middle, where the dots would have been. It was as absolutely perfect as the school could hope to afford.

"Wow." I said as I walked in, then again as I walked into our room. I set my bag on the floor and began unpacking. Clothes went in the closet. I got the left side of the bed and the left side of the drawers. Underwear and socks went in the bottom drawer on my side, and other assorted items on the top. I put my soap and shampoo in the shower, and then we were done.


	10. Simply Having Fun

**Chapter Ten**

**Simply Having Fun**

After unpacking I need something to do. "Hey, Tsuzuki?" I yelled. He popped his head inside from out on the balcony, waiting for me to finish. "Want to go to the pull?"

He smiled, "really? Okay." He rushed off into the bathroom after spending a few minutes getting his baiting suit. Taking a breath, he opened the door and walked out of the room. He was just in time to see me pulling on a white tee to top my swim trunks. Groaning inwardly, he quickly found some other place to look.

"Are you ready?" I couldn't help but stare at Tsuzuki's sculpted chest, which meant so much more now that I had a reason to stare. He nodded shyly and we headed off.

As we walked through the hall, we ran into Sanaka. "You two off to the pool? You just got here and you are already flirting." He smirked noticing my uneasiness to walking with a shirtless Tsuzuki. He walked away. "Have fun."

Ignoring the insult Sanaka had made in the hall, I shrugged my shoulders, removed my shirt and dived under the water. Resurfacing, I floated along on my back for a moment, watching the clouds race along the sky above me. Flipping onto my side, I smiled as I saw Tsuzuki frown at some young children who are making too much noise in the toddlers' pool for his tastes. With a devious grin, I dipped my hands under the water, and quickly brought them up to flick a small handful of water at Tsuzuki.

"Stop it!"

Ignoring him, I kept on splashing him as he backs away from the pools edge. The children gasp as Tsuzuki trips over the edge of the toddler pool and comes crashing in beside them. I gave a triumphant grin, and laughed as a soaking wet Tsuzuki emerges. He glared menacingly at me, but I simply ignore him with a laugh.

"It's about time you get wet! You agreed to come to the pool with me yet you are still walking around like some scaredy cat." I hissed, teasingly.

"That may be the case, but why so violent all of a sudden, Hisoka?" He gave me an innocent look.

"Enough of this, you're coming in!" I jumped out of the pool, and violently tugged on Tsuzuki's arm. "Come on, I can't have fun by myself!" Surprisingly after a few rough tugs, Tsuzuki finds himself falling into the swimming pool. I laughed as he sticks out his hand, but having gotten soaking wet once again Tsuzuki decided it would not be for nothing. Pulling me into the pool next to him, he pushes me under the surface. I come back up and abruptly stopped laughing, surprisingly its Tsuzuki who has the smile on his face. Trying to seek shelter from what seem to be an on coming Tsuzuki wave I swam to the edge to get out, but Tsuzuki grabs my wrist.

"You're not getting away that easily." Tsuzuki states, matter-of-factly.

"Wha-"

Tsuzuki's eyes narrow, and I begin to think he may very well deck me for it. Before I know it, his hand suddenly rears back and thrusts a wave of water in my direction, hitting me straight in the eyes.

"Hey, that was dirty!" Ignoring my protests, Tsuuzuki pushes his lips against mine.

What! Did I just say that! Tsuzuki is kissing me! Not only was his lips pressed against mine but his strong arms held me fast, despite my squirming, until I finally settle down, wondering what he'll do with me now. His next move takes me completely off guard -- instead of ducking me under or splashing me further, however, he rest his chin gently against my shoulder. When I gather my senses enough to lean my head to his, he relaxed his grip on me just enough so I can bring my hands up and wrap them over his arms.

"Hisoka..." He murmured shyly, blushing. He was just as astonished as I was to what he had done. He then lifted his head and looked me in the eye. "I-"

"Having fun?"

Suddenly we both broke apart quickly and look up. Sanaka and Ketsu were staring down at us from the pool edge. Ketsu giggled as Sanaka just smirked. "I really didn't mean what I said in the hall, but oh well." He rolled his eyes.

Ashamed, Tsuzuki tilt his eyes to the surface of the water as his hands fall from my sides. I almost felt my heart break as I watch him, the guy who has learned to fear the simple pleasures. With a very light frown, I clasp his fingers in mine and guide them back to me. His violet eyes meet mine hesitantly, as if to ask, 'Is it okay?' Hopefully, the smile I gave him is reassurance enough. I then looked at the two on looking friends, giving then an evil glare. Meaning to say, 'get the hell out of here'. Sanake, understanding but still refused, closed his eyes in disgust. Ketsu rolled his eyes, knowing the tension between us was deepening. And as if to ignore them, I briefly trail my fingers across Tsuzuki's cheek, and I slipped my arms around his waist, closing him in a quiet embrace. And before the mood is deserved again I kissed Tsuzuki, more passionately than I had all month.

"Hey, Hisoka! If you two love birds don't mind, we would like to tell you the pool is closing in 5 minutes." Sanaka briefly said and walked away as the two laughed quietly.


	11. This Calls For Desperate Measures

**Chapter Eleven**

**This Calls For Desperate Measures**

I smiled oddly turning to Tsuzuki, who was still embarrassed for being caught making the first move. I grabbed his hand gently, beneath the water and dragged him to the edge of the pool. "Come on, or we'll be locked in here." I explained climbing up. He reached out his hand for mine and I pulled him up. He didn't speak to me as he grabbed his towel and dried himself off, which irritated me more. "Say something!" He jumped and looked at startled. He really is dense. I walked over to him and jerked the towel from him, leaving him with no other distraction. "You finally kiss me and completely ignored the fact you ever did it soon after." He blushed and remained quiet. "Dammit, speak to me!" And in a quick reaction I unconsciously pushed him over back into the pool. "Meet me at the room when you finally find your words." I didn't stay to watch him scrabble up from the water but instead left him alone.

"Tsuzuki is so clueless. He doesn't even know what he wants." Mumbling as I walked to my room, I opened the door.

"Hey, Hisoka." A familiar voice chanted from the hallway, just before I went into my room. I turned around and saw my two nosy friends again, teasingly popping up out of nowhere.

"What do you two want?" I said bluntly rolling my eyes.

"You are running out of time, Hisoka. If you want to win this bet you better start exercising your limits now, otherwise you'll get nowhere." Sanaka chirped knowingly, Ketsu nodded.

"What do you suggest I do blockheads, hmmm?"

"Play hard to get." Quickly blurting it out, Sanaka pointed at me. "I know it is hard, especially for someone as forward as you. But no man wants someone who wants them, otherwise its too easy and not worth fighting for in the end. So get your ass in gear and start ignoring him." Ketsu nodded in agreement as well.

"Hmmm...I don't think that will work, especially since it is Tsuzuki we're talking about." I paused and thought of the outcome, none lead to getting intimate.

"Just try it!" Ketsu rushed out.

"Fine, fine. But if this doesn't work, you two are going to pay for making me look stupid." I walked into my room and slammed the door behind me.

Heading straight for the dresser, I pulled out a plain white T-shirt and shorts, placing them on a night stand beside the bathroom door. "I'll eventually have you, Tsuzuki." I walk into the bathroom and turn on the hot shower. Steam quickly floated through the air as I waited for the right temperature.

Tsuzuki on the other hand was heading back to the room after getting out of the pool. "What did I do, Hisoka?" He whined, recalling when I pushed him into the pool again.

"You are avoiding to much." Another similar voice chanted from the hallway. Tsuzuki turned around and saw my two friends.

"You're Ketsu, right?" He pointed questionably. Ketsu nodded. "What are you talking about?"

"Dense aren't you." He sighed loudly and laughed. "Hisoka has a thing for you and you are only making it harder on yourself by avoiding. We saw you kiss him in the pool, really you aren't that hard to figure out. You're scared to show that you like Hisoka because you are not open with how you feel naturally. If you like him back, go for it! If you continue to linger, Hisoka's going to ignore and reject you when you finally decide to give in to your feelings. No one can wait forever." Ketsu explained, holding up his pointer finger and waving it side to side like some mother.

"But..." Tsuzuki blushed and looked down.

"What? Why can't you?"

"...Hisoka isn't himself...I don't want to forget Hisoka..." Tsuzuki looked up at them.

"Forget, Hisoka? What are you talking about?" Ketsu and Sanaka both blinked curiously.

"I don't want to forget Hisoka...the one I first fell in love with. The one I loved because he was himself and not someone else." He curled his hands into a fist and shook fearfully. "If I forget the Hisoka I originally fell for, he may not come back."

"What are you talking about? Hisoka is Hisoka, how can he be anyone other than himself?" Ketsu suggested. "You really need to rest, you're too stressed." Ketsu pulled Sanaka by the wrist and dragged him to their room. Before closing the door behind him, Ketsu watch Tsuzuki go inside.

"You worried?" Sanaka questioned, sitting down on the bed.

"A little." He smiled. "Even though we don't want to do Hisoka's work for the rest of our lives, I can't help but give them the push they need. Know what I mean?"

"Of course. Hisoka is are friend and I want what's best for him, though forcing him to lose his virginity before marriage is the wrong way of going about it." Sanaka laughed and leaned back. "I really hope they get together."

Despite the refreshing sound of running water I could manage to hear the front door opening, along with foot steps. I just hoped Tsuzuki would hold a grudge against me. I was just about to undress when I remember I left my clothing out in the room, so I opened the door slightly to get them but stop dead. Tsuzuki had already started undressing from his wet swim trunks. I literally go weak at the knees as he stripped, slipping it off slowly as if he knew I was watching. My length pulsing like mad as he slides on some loose light blue pajama bottoms. My eyes wander uncontrollably across his perfect body, committing every precious view to memory. While in my trance, I didn't notice my hand on the doorknob, eventually leaning so heavily on it that I fell out into the room. Tsuzuki stares at me suspiciously. "Hisoka?"

"I was just getting my clothes." I stood up shakily and picked up my clothes before running back into the bathroom, shutting the door fast behind me. 'Now she'll never trust me again.' I turn the shower on steaming hot and get in, ignoring the pain for I know I deserve it. When I finish, I gather my courage to reenter the bedroom and open the door slowly. Tsuzuki was already laying in bed, asleep. I eased myself down onto the edge of the bed, hands folded on my lap, and I'm staring straight at him sleeping, my heart pounding. For the first time ever, Tsuzuki, the object of my affection, is laying, half naked, in the same bed as me. I squirm uneasily as a few daydreams filter back into my mind, causing an even more disturbing reaction. Why do I act like this? I can't control myself around him. It's driving me mad! I climb into the bed and pull the sheets over my head.

Tsuzuki shifts his position, bringing me quickly back to reality. He has moved right against me and I pray he hasn't felt something else, which has gotten so big by now it's beyond my control.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki whispered, leaning over closer to me. I simply ignored him and turn on my side. "Hisoka?" He whispered again, I could hear his voice crack between symbols. He sighed after calling my name five more times. "Are you mad with me?" He whispered again.

I finally gave in. "Why the hell should I be?" I said indifferently. I tossed over and faced him but was surprised to see Tsuzuki nearly crying over this. "Why the hell are you crying?" He gives me a fake smile and shakes his head. I can't stand watching him cry. "Look. I'm not mad at you." He seems to want me to hold him and I complied without hesitation. My arms slide gently around him and he comforts himself by increasing the intimacy of the embrace. I begin to wonder if he is purposely doing this to test me. If so, I'm sure to fail miserably. My arms tremble as I hold his soft body close to me, resisting the powerful urge to take him like I betted.

"I can't tell when you are upset." He whispered under breath, leaning his head in the cock of my neck. "When something is hurting you or affecting you."

"Why did you kiss me?" I simply said out load, wanting to get to the point. "You never seem to care when I kiss you, but when you do it it's almost nonexistent. Are you ashamed of me? Does it seem okay to you to be seem as me forcing myself onto you than the other way around?"

"I don't feel that way at all." He closed his eyes.

"Than how do you feel!" I yelled, suddenly pushing up onto one elbow, sitting up, and before I can say anything, he's kissing me. My eyes go wide as Tsuzuki's remained closed as his lips pressed forcefully against mine. This what I wanted, right? And now that I have it, I have no clue what to do next. Tsuzuki broke apart suddenly, going into shock. His face reddened quickly and he tried to roll back over but I grabbed him by the waist. Preventing him from getting off of me. "Tsuzuki...you always stop when it gets good." I teasingly giggled. "At least make it worth my time." I winked and wrapped one arm around his waist. I guess he understood me because the next moment he was kissing on my neck and chin and lips, and he rolls back on top of me, frenching my tonsils, and that tongue was now doing somersaults inside my mouth. I can feel his heart pounding and he was shaking after each breath.

"I love you, Hisoka...the real you." I could hear Tsuzuki whisper as he broke for his last breath, he rolled back over and stared at me. It stayed silent the rest of the night. I couldn't even sleep, because of Tsuzuki. When he had finally drifted to sleep I looked at him and was upset. He looked so sad and helpless in his sleep, almost like he was going to cry. But for what reason? I wanted to know? everything. Why Tsuzuki kissed me today and then again tonight? Why he looks so sad in his sleep, like he is thinking of me, but what would be so upsetting to taunt him even in his dreams? I want to know why Tsuzuki loved me, or even if it was really me he was in love with. I want to know all I can about you, Tsuzuki. Everything.


	12. Things At The Springs

**Chapter Twelve**

**Things At The Springs**

"Tsuzuki..." I murmured slowly coming out of my sleeping state. My eyes lifted suddenly and trailed over the darkened bedroom. It was eerily silent as my eyes adjusted to the dawn. The only familiar sound was the coursing of my own heart and the calm, steady breathing of the brunet beside me. Watching the blue blanket gently rising and falling over his muscular figure, I sat up on my elbow; turning on my side to brush a single strand of brown hair out of Tsuzuki's face. His eyelashes fluttered beautifully over two closed violet eyes. Oh god, how I wish I could stare into those eyes, while he was beneath me! Nothing would pleasure me more than to take him here and now, awake or asleep. I smiled, teasingly dropping my finger from his hair to his soft cheek, gracing it gently.

Tsuzuki twitched slightly at the feather-light touches, making a strained groaning sound. "Hisoka..." I hear him whisper in his sleep.

You should be happy, he thinks of you always.

_**Shut up!**_

Why, I thought that's what you wanted to hear? So you want him to forget you?

_**No.**_

Than why are you upset?

_**You are always touching him! When you stop messing around, I'll chill.**_

Awww, you're no fun. Why can't I have fun with him in your body. It's just like you doing it, besides I know you want to.

_**Shut the hell up! I'm nothing like you! I've seen your thoughts, you have a one track mind; tainting Tsuzuki with your lustful ideas! What's your problem!**_

Your problem. We both want Tsuzuki. You're just pissed he kissed me and not you. Well you better adjust because I guarantee more before this trip is over.

_**I'd rather have Muraki have him than you!**_

Why? Because you know once he's with me he won't miss you. Simply, you're afraid of being forgotten. You want him just as much as I do an I'll prove it.

_**What, how? What are you planning?**_

I had to be careful as I removed the thin blanket that covered Tsuzuki so that his whole delicate frame was revealed to my hungry eyes like a tasty dish on the white plate of the bed sheets.

Once the offending fabric was removed I crawled ever so carefully to sit between his legs.

My expression cleared just in case he awoke with suspicion. I leaned gently over Tsuzuki, keeping his lower body a courteous distance away but letting my lips hover mere centimeters away. I moved in, gently moving my lips against Tsuzuki's, closing my eyes in drowsy pleasure. I lifted back up and looked at him tastefully. He hadn't slept in a shirt so the view was most enjoying. His soft skin colored like pure milk and surely tastier, soft delicate perfect features like a work of art, small nipples that begged for physical attention, curves that were to die for. In his sleep this lovely view rose and fell softly in sleep' steady breaths assuring me that Tsuzuki was still asleep. Before I loose my nerve, I slid my hands down Tsuzuki's sides to his legs, hooking my fingers in the waistband of his pants as I did so and neatly sliding them farther to his hips.

_**What the hell are you doing! Get your filthy hands off of him!**_

I told you I would prove it to you, and I will. This should be fun for you to watch.

_**What? No! Leave him alone!**_

Ignoring the menacing voice in the back of my head which I had earlier concluded was Hisoka himself, my fingertips traveled across Tsuzuki's chest, circling a nipple and another, noting the little jerks of pleasure from the body they were attached to.

_**Stop it! You bastard, stop touching him!**_

Shut up and enjoy the ride.

My hands moved as I bent down and began to kiss his chest. I started licking little eight figures from Tsuzuki's neck down all over his chest. Whenever I found a nipple I'd lick it gently then bite down ever so lightly, making Tsuzuki jerk a little.

Damn, he is a hard sleeper. You would expect him to wake up after the draft of air to his chest.

_**Stop it, now! If so much as touch him again I'll-**_

You'll what? Kill me...or you?

As I sucked gently on the second nipple my hand hovered lower, the finger tips touching from time to time, down to Tsuzuki's member, gently touching without real touch.

You don't mind me touching here, do you?

_**What the hell are you doing? You can't molest someone in their sleep!**_

My hand then moved lower, running up his inner thighs until they met Tsuzuki's length, yet still avoiding it.

"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki mumbled, his words soft and peaceful. "Hisoka...please...come back..."

I hesitated shortly to his request. Why does he have this affect on me? I want nothing more than to take him, but now that I have my chance I'd rather listen to him than Hisoka's cries. Dammit, I can't do it without his consent. I sighed loudly and groaned in frustration, when suddenly a knock was on the door. I crawled off of Tsuzuki regardless of my wanting and answered the door. "Yeah, what is it?" I looked up sleepily and saw two annoying friends of mine.

"Hisoka, come on, the class is leaving for the hot springs in five minutes!" Ketsu burst out, but then noticed Tsuzuki peacefully sleeping being me; being suspicious of his attire.

"Okay, I'll be down soon." I grumbled, closing the door behind me. "Come on, Tsuzuki! Wake up!" I yelled heading toward the bed, shoving him roughly on the shoulder. After several violent pushes he eventually woke up.

"What is it, Hisoka?" He yawned drowsily, wiping sleep from his eyes.

"We're going to the springs, get ready."

-Springs-

I look over and see an empty spring, steam rising and looking delicious. "Wow this really is some amazing spring." I exclaimed, walking to the changing rooms with Tsuzuki and the rest of the students.

Everyone split up and chose basket to put their belongings in; me and Tsuzuki doing the same.

"Let's hope it feels as good as it looks." Sanaka murmured, finally choosing an area beside Ketsu and me. Everyone stripped of their clothing with great anticipation, but there was only one person I was interested in watching. Tsuzuki looks at his basket bashfully and slowly undoes the buttons on his shirt. Me and the others were already undress, by the time Tsuzuki finally got to his boxers. Stripping as we go, I catch a glimpse of his slim hips and a naked buttocks before he covers with a towel and gets in. I blush, trying to ignore the effect seeing him unclothed has on my body. I was slightly glad I was still wearing my towel around my waist.

"Aaaah," he moans softly, his eyes closed and lips parted slightly and that doesn't help my situation one bit. Putting the other towels on the ground, I then look at him. I want him to glace my way and see me exposed, but he's resting against the bank of the hot spring and has his eyes closed, a smile curving his lips.

Slipping into the water, I too sighed in pleasure. It feels amazing. "Is this trip worth the effort," I asked moving beside him, sitting so that I can relax fully. He nods, wordlessly.

It's nice to sit in comfortable silence with him, accept that it is not silent with all of my other classmates talking and peeking through the fence, dividing us from the girl's side. I lift one eye open and peek at Tsuzuki myself, unable to stop admiring his handsome features. He has a sweeping, elegant collarbone and a beautiful long neck. His limbs are long but comfortably lanky rather than gangling and awkward. He is so tempting now. All I can imagine is what could be under the surface of the water, I sigh.

"Everything alright, Hisoka?"

"Huh? Ah, yeah. Just fine." I stammered nervously. "Umm...is this your first time at a hot springs?"

"Is it that obvious?" He asks, lifting an arm out of the water and watching the soothing liquid drip from his fingers.

"Pretty much. Actually my only clue was how you were hesitating to get undress."

"I'm never naked in public." He laughs without any humor at all and his eyes are almost cold. He looks down at the steaming water and the far-off look in his eyes is back. "It just seems risky or illegal...strange."

"So you are just embarrassed of your naturalness?"

He blushes. "Something wrong with that?"

I frown, annoyed. "Yes! If you can't even be comfortable here than how are you ever going to-" I cut off before I expose my future plans.

"How am I ever going to what?"

"Forget it." I answer warily.

"You're acting weird today."

I can only stare at him. "Am I? I didn't notice." Is all I can manage to say without it being a complete lie. He goes quiet and back to enjoying the view. Sitting back he looks into the distance, perhaps remembering. Hair, dampened by the steam sticks to his forehead and I almost reach over and wipe it away. Instead I stay still and try to remain unsuspicious.

"You are probably too stressed today," he says eventually. "Good thing we are at a springs, that should clear you right up."

Now that he mentions it, I think he's right. Lately all I've been doing was planning and avoiding him, which is more exhausting than you would think. I've over come more than a thousand temptations he's set for me since day one. At least I've over come them until this morning. I was sure I would get him that time, but I failed again.

Suddenly I was startled out of my thought by a wonderful sensation on my back. I looked over at Tsuzuki. He was giving me a massage! And damn it felt good. All my stress just evaporated like the steam from the hot spring.

"You worry just as much as you did back then, Hisoka." There was a soft smile on his lips now and I realized he was still recalling times with 'Hisoka' all this time. I try to fight down a wave of jealousy.

"I'm only worried when I'm thinking about you," I say honestly, desire coursing through my veins.

His cheeks redden in embarrassment. "What about me?"

I smile and lean forward a little so that my lips brush his. He has such soft, luscious lips and I kiss him again, harder this time and position myself so that it's more comfortable. He too moves, an arm wrapping around me, long fingers playing with the short hair at the base of my head. My own arms reach out to him, making me aware of how slim he is, and his mouth opens, tongue darting out to stroke mine in a deliciously deep kiss. Pulling back, I grin at him. "Oh, just on how to get you unclothed." He suddenly goes into shock and I smirk wickedly. He is not expecting my forwardness, when I quickly stand up out of the water and pull him up along with me. "Hey!" I yelled, catching everyone's attention. Sanaka and Ketsu looking more surprised than the rest. "Public meet Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki meet public!" And just as fast as I stood up, I jerked back the towel Tsuzuki had tied around his waist and tossed it to Ketsu, who caught it with excitement.

"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki hollered, rapidly covering his crotch with both hands and turning deep red.

"Aww, come on, Tsuzuki. This is a nude hot spring, get with the program." I yelled back, removing my own towel with spirited anxiousness. My friends didn't see that coming, because their faces were so twisted I nearly gagged on my own laughter. I grabbed Tsuzuki's hands and removed them from his front, holding on tightly for dear life. "Now if anyone is embarrassed by the way they look, than why the hell did you all come here! This is all natural, yet everyone still has a towel, lose the damn thing and be relieved!" The guys looked at one another strangely and then some seem to have decided, 'oh, what the heck?'; and began to remove their towels as well. Tsuzuki went all wide eyed when everyone was in the same state as him, including me. I giggled at his expression. "Do you feel embarrassed now, Tsuzuki?" His blush seemed to fade slightly and he shook his head shamefully, never once looking at me like I had hoped him to do as result of me stripping just for him. "Okay then! Shout it loud and shout it proud! I'm free to be me!" I yelled, starting an unexpected chant with the remaining guys. We all had a good laugh the whole time.

"You are truly awkward, Hisoka." Sanaka replied, getting dressed as we all returned to the changing rooms.

"I don't know, I thought it was exhilarating." Ketsu giggled, also getting dressed.

"I do tried my best." I bragged, knowing the whole conversation was only making things more embarrassing for Tsuzuki. "We should do this more often." I laughed, patting Tsuzuki on the back.

He sighed and gave me weak smile with a nod. "Why not?" His reply cheered me up rather quick, because the next moment I hugged him affectionately.

"Alright, how about tomorrow?"

"How about tonight?" Ketsu interrupted. I nodded, excitedly.

"How about never?" Sanaka budded in, trying to get rid of the wacky atmosphere.

"I think I'll stick with tomorrow." Tsuzuki chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

"Alright! Everyone in favor of tomorrow, say I!"

"I!" Ketsu yelled.

"I!" I replied quickly after.

"I." Tsuzuki said with a smile.

"..." When Sanaka did not reply we all gave him the evil eye. "Fine, alright. I."

"Yay!" Me, Ketsu, and Tsuzuki cheered; Sanaka still upset he agreed to another of my ideas.


	13. Unexpected Visitor

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Unexpected Visitor**

"You cease to amaze me..." A mature, sophisticated voice replied, hesitantly stopping the moment of his writing pen. His eyes shifted to the door of the comfortable study. "So predictable...Muraki." He grimaced as the door slowly creaked open, revealing a white hair gentleman with a cold, gloomy presence.

"Am I really, Fukushima?" He asked back delivering an eerie smile. "Than I shall try to avoid giving such an impression."

The blue-eyed man with shoulder length black hair, chuckled shortly. "And what do I owe the pleasure of you coming across my threshold, Muraki. After your care over me when I was ill, I have had no need of another doctor. Is it a favor you seek in return of healing me?"

"Actually I have a thorn I need temporarily taken care of, and I was hoping you would do the honors."

"A thorn?" His eyes slightly raised in suspension. "This wouldn't have to do with a certain brunet you've had your eye on for quit some time now, would it?" Muraki just smiled. "By the way, I've heard that you've taken in a young boy unexpectedly. That is so unlike you, Muraki. You are gradually losing your touch."

"Nothing is unexpected. Nor is the so called love affair he is supposing secretly having."

"You expect me to believe everything will fall into place? Maybe as much as your pass attempts to silence the Shinigami and win the heart of some fool."

"Regardless of what you both(him and Tsuzuki) think, I will get Tsuzuki." Muraki politely bowed and headed back for the door. "I'll pay him a visit, as long as you do your part." Fukushima nodded with a smiled, watching as the cold doctor left his room.

Bright orbs of sunlight through the window burn my eyes each time I blink them open, but they're wide open now as I suddenly hear a loud, disturbing knock on the door. I sat up in time to see Tsuzuki answer it. "Are you Asato Tsuzuki?" A middle aged delivery man asked. Tsuzuki nodded, suddenly gasping when a large bouquet (I never knew bokay was spelt like that, lol, its weird looking) of red roses are presented to him. The man left without another word, after receiving a small tip. Tsuzuki's expression was odd as he sat the flowers on a nearby table.

"Who would send you that?" I asked. Ideas of Tsuzuki having a secret admirer or worse, an actual boyfriend or girlfriend, filled my head.

Never once looking at me, he opened the card and sat down. I watched curiously as a light blush graced his beautiful cheeks. He sat there reading in measured silence, not even glancing over at me from time to time, and showing not the slightest emotion. Needless to say, I had to know what was going on. Finally deciding to move, Tsuzuki stood up. He wordlessly walked right by me and out to the balcony. I wait until he sighs and then I start walking toward Tsuzuki, his arms hanging motionless at his sides. I can tell by his shoulders shake that he is upset and crying inside. He does not flinch or struggle when I come up and hug him from behind and hold him there. I can feel his fear and cries, they scare me...so much that I want to cry myself. If I had been the real Hisoka, I would have been able to feel Tsuzuki's pain, to know his thoughts. I gently reach each of my arms to his front and cradle his hands in mine. "I hate it when you ignore me." I pouted with a fake smile. Tsuzuki suddenly smiles.

"Sorry about that." He turns to me and kisses me. Real soft, like mist. Like two rose petals pressed against my lips.

"I'll forgive you, this time." I said cheerfully, locking my arms around his waist, tightly. "You must be sick!" I outburst surprisingly. He nearly jumps out of my grasp in astonishment. "You are getting skinny. Which is practically impossible with all the sweets you eat!" Tsuzuki smiles and shakes his head. "What's so funny? I'm serious! Let's go pig out then!" I exclaimed, quickly grabbing him by the wrist and pull him toward the door.

"Wait, Hisoka! We aren't even dressed." He retorted, pulling back slightly. I ignored his comment and force him through the door.

"Like that matters? We are at a hot springs resort. People walk around with less on than we do." I closed the door behind us, making it hard for him to get back in since I have the key and his is inside.

"But Hisoka."

"Come on." I playfully jerked him down the hall, though he gave much struggle. "See you are even to weak to get away." I teased, finally getting him to the front of the hotel. I lead him to the side where there was a room filled with people and a large buffet table located in the middle.

"Hisoka." Tsuzuki stared around the room, receiving equal glances as we walked into the room. His eyes started to gleam the moment they spotted the verity of wonderful foods. Though it was breakfast time, there was a large amount of desserts, which I was sure Tsuzuki had his eye on. Almost forgetting he was still in his pajamas, Tsuzuki charged for the table and collected all the sweets he could. I giggled amusingly, he looked like child on Christmas morning.

"Tsuzuki. You aren't suppose to eat your own body weight in sweets." I jested, looking at the countless plates of cake and pie. He refused to take any of my advice and found a table, filling three-fourths of it with just his desserts. I sat down beside him and watched as the tooth rotting sweets disappeared one by one. "Don't complain when you get a stomach ache."

"If so, it will be your fault for taking me here." He managed to say between mouthfuls. I had never seen him so adorable, affectionately hugging all of his dishes before sending them into the black hole he called a mouth.

I barely ate the food I had collected for myself, due to the way Tsuzuki was eating, I had lost my appetite. Taking my attention away from my plate I saw Sanaka and Ketsu heading toward the main area across the room. "I'll be right back, Tsuzuki." And without another word I rushed from my seat and after my friends.

Ketsu, with his normally perky morning attitude, spotted me the moment I moved from my seat. "Hisoka! You are actually up before twelve? And no one had to force you?"

Sanaka stared at my appearance. "It seems no one was there to force to get dressed either."

"Shut up. So where are you two headed?" I asked.

"We're going to sightsee while we still can. We're all going back home tomorrow, Hisoka." Ketsu explained.

"Really? It seemed so short. No fair." I pouted crossing my arms.

"No looking forward to going back to Muraki?" Sanaka asked.

"Always. I'm telling you, when I get home it will be like he was there. He knows everything. He even knew about Tsuzuki, without even seeing him."

"He's a doctor, he should know everyone." Ketsu explained.

"I don't think that's a good enough reason for him." The two snickered silently at my paranoia. "Just forget it."

"Hey, Hisoka. Do you want to come with us?"

"I guess I could, okay." I rushed past them and down the hall to get dressed. "Be back in a sec."

"What about Tsuzuki?"

"He's to in love with his sweets to depart with them to go sightseeing." I yelled back. After rushing into some clothes I followed Sanaka and Ketsu out. I still hoped Tsuzuki wouldn't mind me leaving for awhile. After all I'm sure I sometimes get on his nerves.

"You look beautiful, Tsuzuki." A eerie voice whispered suddenly.

Tsuzuki quickly stopped eating and jumped from his seat. His eyes widened as they stared upon one silver one and one darker one shield by light hair. "Muraki."

"Like before...I'm drawn to those eyes. Like embedded amethysts, glorious and addicting." A cold hand found its way to Tsuzuki's cheek, stroking it soothingly. "It has seemed like an eternity since we last met. But of course you don't remember, nor does Hisoka."

Tsuzuki frowned, giving him an evil glare. "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing my love. All that I do, I do for you." He smirked, cupping Tsuzuki's chin. "For you I would even kill." Tsuzuki immediately jerked his chin from Muraki.

"You're a lieing bastard, Muraki. Still pretending to be innocent and pure as the doctor everyone thinks you are."

"Oh, love. You can say some hurtful things. It pains me to see you so tense and cautious. You suspect me of lying to Hisoka, am I right?" He walked closer to Tsuzuki.

"You did more than lie. You are enslaving him in a fake life."

"Fake? Everything Hisoka is experiencing is real. Including the happiness. You see, I have rather saved him from the hell he was living as a Shinigami. He no longer fears failure of not being able to protect another life. Most of all he is satisfied with having just saved your life." Muraki leaned in, allowing his lips to press along Tsuzuki's earlobe. "To him, I am a savor. But its you, who I wish to save."

"I need no rescuing. Especially not by you!"

"That's where you are wrong. Its killing you inside. You don't want to accept it. That you are happy Hisoka has forgotten everything. Because you know he is happy without remembering his painful life. When was the last time you've seen him so happy and at ease? Never." Muraki chuckled, toying with Tsuzuki's ear with his lips.

"Shut up!"

"Quiet now, my love. You are making a scene." Muraki said teasingly. "I can tell when you are upset and sad. You are lonely and lost because the past is all you have to dwell on. The past is all you knew, and all that seemed right. But the past, may I remind you, has never been to kind to you Tsuzuki." Tsuzuki looked away, forcing himself not to think of the truth in Muraki's theory. But the more he resisted the more it intensified, releasing its wrath with a single tear from Tsuzuki's violet eye. "Shhhh, now my love. Let me remove your pain and suffering, and cure your despair for good." With those words, almost casting a spell with there meaning, Tsuzuki felt weir. Weak and woozy, his eyelids heaved. Slowly his eyes fell hazy and closed, his body going numb. His legs gave in beneath him and he felt himself fall without any control to prevent it. Just before he could reach the ground, two strong hands caught him halfway. They cradled him and lifted him up. One reached beneath two of his legs and the other cupped his back, allowing his head to fall back and hang drowsy. Tsuzuki felt his sense vanish as he fell into unconsciousness.

"Hisoka..." He could only manage to whisper before he was swept away with the mysterious doctor.

No one in the room stopped or questioned the man's actions for they thought he was a real doctor and was tending to the patient who had fainted under some weird illness. Everything and everyone was silence as the figure faded away in the distance, holding the helpless Tsuzuki.

**_A/N: _**Oh, no! Muraki has Tsuzuki and Hisoka is nowhere around. Plus there is that Fukushima guy is suppose to take care of Hisoka, while Muraki has Tsuzuki! Its the climax of it all! There are only two outcomes of this situation, but I want your opinion on which one you think it should be.

**_Outcome 1: _**Muraki finally does what he has always wanted with Tsuzuki.(I'm also a MurakixTsuzuki supporter! Who else is!)

**_Outcome 2: _**Hisoka comes to save Tsuzuki just in time. (I think this on is overdone and I don't like doing the same old thing,lol)

If you never review and you don't like one of the outcomes and it gets done its only your fault for not speaking up. If it still gets done, well it not your fault that not many other people agreed with you. Majority wins, okay!

Also with such outcomes for Tsuzuki there are also outcomes for Hisoka.

**_Outcome 1: _**Hisoka becomes 'real' Hisoka on his own because of what happened to Tsuzuki in Outcome 1. (I think is really cool, cause it shows he's not weak and can overcome things on his own. Self-dependence, I say.)

**_Outcome 2: _**Hisoka becomes 'real' Hisoka because Tsuzuki makes a unknown sacrifice for him. (Still unsure about it though)

So pick and review, otherwise I will choose my original outcomes and have allot of disappointed readers!

So far:

Outcome 1: 9 votes

Outcome 2: 3 votes ( -thats very sad, because most of the MurakixTsuzuki fans are reading a HisokaxTsuzuki fic)

Either One: 2 votes


	14. Reminisce Of The Heart

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Reminisce Of The Heart**

"Hisoka.." A soft murmur repeated. Tsuzuki stirred soundly, though there was a lingering feeling that told him he was being watched. What felt like being carried abruptly ended when he was laid on a soft bed. Tsuzuki felt it shift, most likely Muraki was joining him. Immediately his body had gone cold, dry, and burdened with dread as ice like hands unclothed a pale, slender body. Muraki smiled lustfully, his skin was like silk, unblemished and perfect in everyway.

"Are you planning to sleep all day, love?" He whispered seductively in Tsuzuki's ear. Muraki received no answer. Blissfully smirking. "Just be warned I am impatient to waiting."

Hisoka...where are you? I'm alone...just like before. It scares me to be anywhere but with you. Even these past few weeks...they are lonely. I see you there with me...but I can no longer feel you. We are disconnected, you and I. How can we be reunited? Everything seems to be pushing us father apart, though you would be standing there right beside me. But you're not really there, are you Hisoka? You're not here with me. I need you! I need you here with me! I need to know you are still the same Hisoka. I need...

Suddenly a fearful gasp emerged as the covers fly off Tsuzuki with one panic swing of his arm. "Hisoka!" Tsuzuki out burst, now on his feet, his heavy breathing was short lived when he noticed Muraki sitting cross-legged at a glass coffee table, cupping a cup of streaming coffee in his palm.

"It disappoints me...to hear Hisoka being the first name to escape your lips when you're with me." He smiles, takes a sip from the small cup and stands up.

"Muraki." Tsuzuki hissed furiously, later taking notice to his nakedness and rushes back beneath the covers.

"Not bad. You're getting there. But when you say me name, try not to express it with pent up anger." He set the cup down and approached the brunet. He received a vivid glare from two beautiful violet eyes. "Don't look at me like that. It hurts me so to have you mad at me." His voice turn soft and playful. Tsuzuki didn't like how the space between them was gradually disappearing, so he there the very first thing he saw, a lovely white vase filled with red roses. Muraki immediately caught the vase before it had time to do any damage. He plucked a single rose from it and set it down on a nearby nightstand. "Are you giving me an invitation?"

"Go to hell!" Tsuzuki barked back. As Muraki got closer, Tsuzuki panicked. He leaped from the bed and tried to punch the creepy doctor. Unsuccessfully, his wrists were caught by two strong, cold hands.

"A strong will only gets a man's sexuality going. Or is that of your strategy?" He whispered, drawing the brunet closer to him until he could feel Tsuzuki's worried breathing. Tsuzuki's eyes quickly shut when he feels Muraki's soft lips nip the nape in his neck. "Are you worried, Tsuzuki? About that boy? You should really be worrying about yourself. Besides unlike that kid Hisoka..." He kissed the indention in Tsuzuki's neck softly. "I can satisfy you." Fidgeting more at those words, Tsuzuki tried to free himself of Muraki's grip. "Calm down, my love." Muraki forced him down onto the bed, with his own body. "Pain only last for so long." The brunet made several breathy whines as he kicked and wiggled beneath Muraki. "If you continue to struggle, I will be force to hurt you, love. At times like these I wish you were more like Hisoka." Muraki added, smiling evilly, knowing the statement would grab his attention. Just as he suspected, Tsuzuki stopped squirming long enough to question him.

"What do you mean?"

"He willingly gave himself to me all so that you may never be harm by me again. Though that prize is nothing compared to what you a worth. You are all I want."

"Than why bring Hisoka into this!" Tsuzuki hissed back, ready to bite at any given moment.

"Because it is the only way to get to you, love. Consider it a favor of my undying love for you that he has forgotten everything. After all if he remembers he would only continue to bud in and end up dead."

"A favor! It's hell!" One hand released his wrist and caressed the soft flesh of his face. Tsuzuki wants nothing more than to bite those long fingers and tare them from Muraki's hands. "Set Hisoka free! His mind and his body!"

"For you love, I would do anything. But as long as there remains a hatred between us, I tarnish the thought." Muraki nipped the edge of Tsuzuki's earlobe gently. "That is unless you agree to belong to me. Give me your body and soul, and I will let Hisoka go." Tsuzuki looked aside, avoiding Muraki's frozen glare. He wish all of this was merely a nightmare that he would soon wake up from, but he was not so lucky. He closed his eyes and nodded reluctantly. Muraki's smile widened. "See now was that so hard, love?"

An overwhelming wave of sensation blew over me almost immediately. It had came so unexpectedly that I nearly gagged on the air that was halfway up my throat. Never before had I once felt a presence like this one. The unknown emotion, it scared me. I mentally was shaking with great intensity. What was this feeling? Why did it have such an affect on me?

Though I had no clue what had caused this new revelation, I concluded it had something to do with Tsuzuki. I just felt him connected to this feeling somehow. And if he was, what did this new feeling mean? Was Tsuzuki trying to reach me?

"Hisoka?" A concerned voice yelled out to me. I was quickly snapped out of my thought and brought back into what I suspected was the reality. When I turned my head, I saw Ketsu staring at me. "Are you alright? You just froze up there?"

I looked around, recalling the time I left the hotel in the morning. It was now sunset and I had been exploring all day with my friends. We had started to walk back to the hotel, when I just stopped. Glancing back at them and then the hotel that I could now see at least five blocks down the road. "Yeah...I just thought...never mind, forget it." I brushed off the scary thought of the off chance of something actually happening to Tsuzuki the one time I leave him alone at the hotel since our arrival.

"It's our last night here before we leave tomorrow." Ketsu said disappointingly.

"Its about time. I thought they might actually make us live here." Sanaka stated bluntly.

"Oh, come on! Don't tell me you didn't have any fun, while we were on this trip!" Ketsu protested, waving his arms far above his head. Sanaka shook his head, saying he hadn't. "You liar! Fine if that is true, we all still promised to go to the hot springs one more time today with Tsuzuki." Ketsu pointed at me furiously. "Hisoka go get Tsuzuki for we can go!" I nodded cheerfully as we finally made it to the hotel.

I rushed to our room upstairs and hurriedly opened the door. "Hey, Tsuzuki! Come on, we are going-" I started out yelling but stopped when I saw the room was empty. It was in the same state we had left it this morning. I searched the room, the bathroom, the balcony but had no luck in finding him. "Tsuzuki?" I replied in dismay. Suddenly I spotted a crumbled up piece of paper on the dresser, it looked similar to the one Tsuzuki had received in the bouquet of roses this morning. As I picked it up and opened it, I realized it was the same card. I glanced over it intensely, hoping that it would clue me in on where Tsuzuki might be.

Dear Tsuzuki,

It has been nearly an eternity since I had last laid eyes upon you. It has wounded me to know that you since hold past grudges against me, when all I have done is given you my heart. I wish to eliminate our disagreements and start a new. That is if you will allow me. Love, I only wish that you will forgive me for what I've done. For it is my obsession for you that drives my actions. If you would, I wish to see you again so that apologizes may be exchanged, along with some unmentioned affections.

I do hope that you are enjoying your trip with Hisoka at the hot springs. But you must remember the trip will end soon and Hisoka will return to me, that is if you continue to resist me.

Much Love,

Muraki

"Muraki?" I questioned myself as to why he would be writing this to Tsuzuki. I was still curious as to why Muraki requested Tsuzuki's presence so much. It seemed impossible for such a cold hearted person to actually develop feelings much less love for another being. "Than maybe Tsuzuki is with Muraki, but where?" I refused to wait there any longer, and rushed to the door. I just had to find Tsuzuki. Knowing Muraki, Tsuzuki was without a doubt in trouble. I mentally slapped myself for disbelieving my previous feelings that had long before told me the story. The moment I opened the door, I was startled by a tall dark haired gentleman in front of me. "Who the hell are you?" I yelled, almost bumping into the man. "What do you want!"

"The name is Fukushima, and as for what I want..." He violently jerked me by the arm. "I want you." In reaction to his touchy attitude I punched the guy in the jaw, but he seemed unaffected. "Sorry, but I can't have you disturbing Muraki and Tsuzuki any more." Before I had a chance to question him again, I was knocked sharply in the head with want seemed like a hand gun.

"Tsuzuki..." I mumbled before completely drifting into unconsciousness.

Tsuzuki stiffened, his body rigid beneath the awkward touch of Muraki's steady palms. His hand softly caressed Tsuzuki's body moving from his shoulder to chest, stopping to gently tease his tiny nipples. Tsuzuki stifled a cry as the hand continued down to his stomach, dipping into his navel and drawing lazy circles around it. Then it traveled further down, reaching its final destination: his groin. Tsuzuki gritted his teeth, gasping softly in his throat.

"Don't be shy, love. You are beautiful." Muraki whispered seductively as his long slender fingers cupped the soft flesh just between the brunet's thighs. A tiny restrained groan escaped his lips.

"Do you like that, love?" Muraki gave just a whisper near his ear. Tsuzuki's eyes were raw with seething hatred. Muraki ignored the man's glare and reached his fingers again to his groin, continuing to stroke it temptingly. Tsuzuki held back what shameful moans resounded in his throat. "No, no." Muraki admonished in a soft, feathery voice. "I want to hear you, Tsuzuki." Tsuzuki panted nervously as he awaited the cruel fate upon him. "Don't be like that, love. It's no fun having a one sided love." He whispered, licking snail like trails along Tsuzuki's lean body. Gentle lips made their way back up and lightly kissed at Tsuzuki's chin and then met his lips. Tsuzuki gave no response as he allowed a slick tongue to intrude his mouth. Breaking a part slowly to recollect his breath, Muraki looked at him upsettingly. "You resist me still? You may but your body will say otherwise."

Suddenly a rough, cold hand grasped Tsuzuki completely. Tsuzuki squirmed from side to side, as much as he could, which wasn't much. The hand moved up and down furiously, resurrecting the limp member. Muraki continued his rhythmic stroking and Tsuzuki's length responded, discharging drops of clear liquid. Muraki spread the liquid over the turgid length and was rewarded by another deep moan. "You are easily pleased Tsuzuki." He smiled, kissing the side of his neck softly. "I love that about you."

Tsuzuki gave a high-pitched whimper of complete surrender. As he gave into the feelings of his own body, his release spilled, pumping out in jerky spurts. Muraki stroked his throbbing member hard, bringing more and more out of him, and he gave one final shuddering thrust. Muraki paused for a moment, watching his desperate writhing, the veins popping out on his neck and the sides of his skull. He was enjoying this, savoring the moment, wringing it for every possible bit of pleasure. Moments of joy like this were few and far between. A fresh trickle of sweat dripped down the side of Tsuzuki's face. Muraki bent over and licked it off with his tongue. Later licking the white from his fingers that had spilt from Tsuzuki. "You're delicious." A brilliant, evil smile crossed his face. "Now time for the best part."

And without much warning, Muraki kindly shifted the brunet onto his stomach, inserting a single finger at Tsuzuki's opening. A moan escaped him, but not of desire; but of burning shame. Tsuzuki bucked, trying desperately to get Muraki's finger out of his body, but the finger kept steadily pushing until it was completely buried inside of him. Tears squeezed from his eyes, and he swore to himself that he would make Muraki pay for this humiliation! "Shhhh...love, the awkwardness is only temporary." Muraki whispered softly again, leaning down against the brunet's back. With his fingers still deep inside, he pulled Tsuzuki's hips up so that he was kneeling, but with his shoulders and head still on the bed and spread his legs wide. Tsuzuki struggled but he had no leverage. The fingers scissor widely inside of him, preparing him for what was coming. After a few minutes, although it felt like long hours to the tortured man, the fingers slipped out and he heard him removing his pants. After seeing the white fabric, aimlessly thrown aside he felt the blunt tip of Tsuzuki's member pressing against his opening. Muraki smirked and gave Tsuzuki's member a gentle squeeze. "No matter how resistant you are, the body is always more willing."

Tsuzuki closed his eyes, trying to think of anything to get his mind off of Muraki, but nothing worked. Tears of humiliation squeezed from Tsuzuki's tightly closed eyes. In very short time, his length was against his own flat, well-muscled stomach, swollen and erect. The hasty hands came off of him and Tsuzuki opened his eyes cautiously. A cold wave of fear crept up his spine...

To Be Continued...

A/N: Muhahahahahaha! Okay I really do fill sorry for Tsuzuki and the Hisoka and Tsuzuki supporters! So I shall spare us all the details of this horrible outcome. Review! Or else I won't finish!


	15. Mind Over Matter

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Mind Over Matter**

There is a sacred place I go when I'm lost. A place I know where I will be found. But there is another sacredness of mine that must never be touched. My sanctuary; my home and my purpose. As my home, it is a scar of sadness that must never be tread upon, a cooperation formed by the living to realize a dream or achieve an ideal. It is there where I first met him.

It was that lonely day, I had thought of myself as worthless. And I became lost, mindlessly searching the darkness of my mind for the part of me I'd lost. I have given up searching for that part of myself and I'd given into the darkness. I lingered in it's coldness, it's unfamiliarity; hugging my knees close to my chest, seeking what little comfort I could grasp. Surround by only shadow, I wept to myself. That's when I heard him, a shy, pleasant voice. He apologized, but for what? I was positive he hadn't been the cause of all my pain. He told me he was concerned about my well-being. But it hurt me to think that there was still a person left to worry about. I could feel that part of me, was the one he meant, but that 'me' no longer existed. He knew that as well, which pained me more. Why hasn't he given up on 'me' like I have? Why does he still search in vain for a person no longer of this world? It was because 'I' had become something precious to him, I had become his sanctuary. Though I had lost everything, I still felt that part of me. It told me...he was my sanctuary as well.

Slowly, it began to force itself inside. Tsuzuki gave a muffled scream, his whole body broke out in cold sweat, going into shock with the invasion. He groaned and tried to go limp, knowing that any resistance would hurt even more. Tsuzuki gasped, his body writhing and his legs going weak, held up only by Muraki's strong hand around his hip. He thrust deep and hard, again hitting the spot inside, and flooded Tsuzuki with his semen. Muraki closed his eyes and began to pant slightly, lost in the incredible feeling of being inside the perfect body underneath him. Finally, even he could not hold back any long and thrust in harder with more force then ever. Tsuzuki cried out, his whole body trembling, with nothing left inside of him to give.

Muraki's head pushed through the tight ring of muscle and Tsuzuki gave another small gasp. It didn't hurt that much any more, it was more of a feeling of being full, of having something inside you that you wanted to push out. Muraki's own length was now completely inside and he repositioned Tsuzuki a little and then thrust deeper. He cried out, but not in pain, in ecstasy - Muraki had touched something deep inside of him that made all his senses reel. Again and again Muraki expertly hit that same spot, at the same time stroking Tsuzuki with long sweeps from the curve of his balls to his aching tip. He felt a warm wetness between his legs and knew that it was his own blood, leaking from a torn body. He had never felt this kind of pain before- he had never even imagined it! He would have collapsed completely except that Muraki put both hands on his hips, holding him up as he drove his own needy member towards its release.

Finally pulling up, Muraki smiled, looking down at the tearful brunet. "You're more beautiful than I imagined." He leaned over, kissing him on the cheek and got up. To Tsuzuki's surprise he had left shortly after getting dress, allowing Tsuzuki to calmly drown in his own blood and agony.

It was a long while before Tsuzuki found the strength to get out of the bed. He walked shakily to the bathroom and turned on the shower, turning the water control to hot. Clouds of steam filled the bathroom and he stood under the nearly scalding water. For the first time in his life he was terrified, because of his captivity and how he was no longer the same Tsuzuki. Hisoka always said he was naive - and he had just proved him right. Slowly he went to his knees, tears running down his face. The boiling water quickly washed him of his blood and semen but was never able to undo the horrible act against him, the shame, the linger inter pain of having been broken and worthless. He gave it to the fact that if he would ever see Hisoka again that he would not be worthy enough to stand in his presence. He was too tainted, too revolting to stay by the only thing sacred and meaningful in his life.

When I become disconnected from the reality of life, I am able to come across the dark sanctuary of my mind. It is then that I am able to feel closes to him, I am able to feel his pain, his thoughts. After finally meeting him in person, I felt no longer obligated to venture out into that part of my mind. For the first time since meeting Tsuzuki, I have returned there. I had hoped he would also be searching the depths of his sub-consciousness to find me here, like before. As usual it was dark and presumed a lonely, eerie aura that was overwhelmingly depressing.

"Tsuzuki?" I called out, trying to find a clue that he might have come here after we were separated. "Tsuzuki?" I yelled again, suddenly seeing a familiar figure. My legs carried me faster, closer to the figure. I came to a complete halt when I had realized Tsuzuki's demeanor. Limply crouching down on the balls of his feet, he hugged his knees close to his chest. His head buried between his arms as he wept silently. "Tsuzuki? Say something, speak to me." I approached him more when I heard a dripping sound. Kneeling down beside him, trying to get a better look, I gasped. A thick rosy liquid was slowly running from him, forming a red puddle beneath him. I saw no visible wounds that had caused all this bleeding.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled in a quit whisper. Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him, one cupping his wet tearful cheek, the other around his head; drawing it to my chest.

"Shhh...it's alright..." I said soothingly in the embrace. Suddenly as if Tsuzuki wanted me to know, I felt everything in one sweep of emotion.

The man in the white coat told me in a quiet voice that he had finally found me, that he had wanted my body and my life. That man smiled a smile deeper than darkness.

Is this what hurt Tsuzuki, Muraki? I glared angrily at the thought of Muraki tainting my sacred sanctuary. I knew Tsuzuki felt my anger as well and he cried deeper, grabbing me sleeve tightly in a bloody hand. Now that his hand was moved, I could trace the source of the blood. My eyes widened; only the area between his upper thighs were stained in red. Before I knew it, I was weeping too, holding onto him tighter now. "I'm sorry, Tsuzuki." I whispered Upon hearing footsteps in the darkness approaching us, I darted my eyes in that direction. Who could it be? Only me and Tsuzuki knew of this place. "Who are you?" I yelled. The footsteps stopped and I could now make out the person. It was...me. Green furious eyes, with sandy hair, and a menacingly scary frown. "What do you want!" I snapped viciously.

"I want you to leave!" He hollered extremely loud. I could see his vain clearly popping from his head and fist.

"I won't!" I exclaimed, clenching Tsuzuki harder.

"You must go! You never belonged here, living my life, pretending to be me, and hurting my friends!" He yelled back.

"Friend! Why should I give this life to you, when you can't even admit you love him." I looked at Tsuzuki in my arms. He had fallen into a silent, sleep like trance. "Besides I can't leave, Tsuzuki." I murmured, pressing my head into his hair.

I could tell he finally snapped, "you must leave! It's your fault he's injured!" He ran over to me and jerked me away by my hair. "This is my life and my choice, I don't need you to decide for it me!"

"I'm not doing anything for you!" I forced my hair from his grip, violently pushing him away. "I'm doing this for Tsuzuki! Because you can't do a damn thing on your own!" Without realizing it, he had punched me in the face.

"I can protect him!"

"From what! From Muraki? Well, you've seen how that's ended up." I protested intimidating him.

"All this was your fault! If you hadn't abandoned him-" He pointed at me menacingly.

"My fault! You have no one but yourself to blame! It's your dumbass that thought you could protect him by leaving him alone! The only reason I'm here is because you can't protect him. That's why you ran away! That's why you disappeared, and that's why you gave up. You were so scared of not being able to protect him that you put the blame on some one else. With you gone, he couldn't blame you for letting him down. You had an excuse for abandoning him. But the truth is there is no excuse for weakness. You can't face the fact that you were too weak and too helpless to save him when he needed you most! That's why I'm here, to fix the crap you messed up!"

"Shut up!" I noticed he had broke into tears and was turning red from all the yelling and anger. "I left...I left because it was the only way to save him. I was no longer there to hurt him to let him down. He was safe...from me."

"Than you were afraid you wouldn't be able to protect him from yourself!" I laughed, throwing back my head.

"I knew I would be the one to hurt him most and I have. He risked his life to save mine and all I could do was run away. I was afraid to face him, to admit." He stared at Tsuzuki mercifully. "But I never knew it would do this to him..."

"Liar! You new all along of the outcome of your actions. You knew Tsuzuki would be the one to take the ultimate punishment." I smirked proudly for some reason. I knew there was no way I would be giving up my life to him. "Admit it. You set him up."

"Fine. Then I admit to it, to everything. To running away because I was scared and weak, to knowing the resolution of my actions, to giving life to you as an excuse." He smiled softly and I froze instantly. Why was he smiling? It confused me as to why he would be happy at a time like this. There was still essence of tears below his eyes as he sniffled slightly. "It's my fault, okay. I admit to failure, to letting him down. But I only did the things I did because I love him so much. And it is because of the heart that we are driven to do such drastic things." He approached me closely, are eyes now directly in front of each other. "If you will allow me to, I would like to tell him that in my own words." He said in a serious tone that made me quake.

"Well, Hisoka..." I smiled. "Tell me how it works out." I winked and slowly started to fade.

"Won't like to witness it for yourself?" He asked.

"No. I've already intruded so much." I waved to him.

To my surprise he jerked me by my wrist and pulled me toward him. "I insist." And before I had known it, I was carefully dissipating into Hisoka's body. I hadn't realized it much, but we were both in the same. He told me he wouldn't be able to face Tsuzuki unless he was whole. I was the part of him missing and he was mine. Though we were two completely different Hisokas', we were still one whole. I was relieved to find out I wouldn't be forgotten again. Searching within the lonely darkness again for the part of me that no longer found use of me. I had a purpose now, I had found what I was looking for. Only thing left to do was to find what he was looking for. We had a pretty good clue where we should start; Muraki.

To Be Continued...

A/N: I don't know why but I love dramatic stuff like Hisoka's internal conflict with himself and overcoming them. I hope you all liked and will be keeping alert for the next chapter!-see you then!


	16. Trapped

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Trapped**

"Morning, my love." Muraki unlocked the door and pushed it open to see Tsuzuki groggily staring at him through blurry amethysts gems. "I hope you got enough rest, my dear. I would hate to have you exhausted from yesterday's fun." He smiled, closing the door behind him. Tsuzuki hazily watched the man walk to the coffee table and sit down beside it, crossing his legs. "Come here, love. I have a present for you." Tsuzuki reluctantly pushed back the thick covers off of his sore naked body. He unwillingly approached the silver haired doctor with a sneer. "Darling, must you look at me like that?" He smirked, standing up and held out a long white box. When Tsuzuki didn't take it, he opened it himself. He pulled out a beautiful silk, white kimono. "I thought it would look divine on you." He gently dressed Tsuzuki and stood back to observe the clothing. "Beautiful, as always Tsuzuki." Tsuzuki gave no answer and merely turned his head to the side and stared out the window.

He was quickly snapped back out from his daze when cold, smooth hands went around his slender form. He quivered at the touch. "Love, don't give me the silent treatment." Muraki seductively whispered, pulling Tsuzuki into a tighter embrace. Wrapping his arms around his waist, a curious hand slipped its way into Tsuzuki's kimono and lightly graced over a sensitive piece of flesh. Tsuzuki immediately closed his eyes and yelped when the gently grace turned into a firm grip. Muraki smiled calmly and laid his chin on Tsuzuki's shoulder as he softly nipped at the tender neck. Adorable whimpers and gasped emerged from the brunet as Muraki bit down harder. "I will make you speak if you wish." As the first hand grabbed tighter to the limb flesh the other attached itself to Tsuzuki rear, squeezing roughly. "I want to hear you say my name..." He bite once more on the sweet neck.

"...Muraki..." Tsuzuki moaned. Muraki smirked at the desperateness in his tone.

"That's much better, love." He released Tsuzuki and sat back down at the table. "Now come and eat breakfast with me." He grimaced, holding up a clear glass grape juice. Tsuzuki made his way to the table and sat down on the opposite side. "What do you think you are doing?" Tsuzuki stared at him clueless. "You should sit closer to me." Sighing remorsefully, Tsuzuki stood back up and walked over to Muraki's side. The very next moment he forcedly pulled into the cold man's lap. "That's much better." He smiled, grabbing a sweet tart and waiting for Tsuzuki to open his mouth. Regrettably, he let the sick man feed him, followed by an occasionally groping of his butt, thigh, or hips between each bite. Muraki purposely missed Tsuzuki's mouth every now and then, and would lick the mess off Tsuzuki himself. "I must say you are sweeter than anything at this table." Muraki cooed, caressing Tsuzuki soft cheek with his finger.

I woke up abruptly, to a cold darkened room. Looking around made no difference, it was so dark I couldn't see anything at all. Trying to get up, I realized my wrist are roughly tied and so are my feet. Before I had a chance to even stand up I heard a door opening. A small light slowly illuminated the dark room as the door opened wider.

"Oh, you're awake now." The familiar voice said. "I was hoping you would be out for at least another day." A wicked smiled crossed his lips as he approached me. Kneeling down, he raised my chin toward him. "You are a very lucky boy."

"Why? Cause I didn't die from your attack!" I barked back, snapping my chin away from his grip.

He laughed briefly and stood back up. "Because, someone cares about you enough to give up everything. If not for that friend of yours, you might be dead or at least living in a cage wishing for death."

"Where is Tsuzuki!" I yelled.

"You can't save him. It's too late to protect him, so you might as well go on living the life he has given you." The man kneeled down once again. "I'll even let you go if you stay away."

Though it was not met to be one, I thought this to be an insult. As if I could actually go on living as if nothing had ever happened. I nodded in hopes of him letting me go. To my surprise he began untying me. This is too easy, they want me to escape. The moment the ropes around my wrist and feet were undone I kicked the man in the stomach viciously and made a run for it. My victory was short lived the moment I reached half way down the hall. A burst of sound echoed and an extremely close bullet went soaring across my cheek, just gracing it slightly. I came to a complete halt, knowing that the next shot wouldn't miss.

"You have allot of guts, for someone who is having their life handed to them on a silver platter, free of charge." I turned around slowly, glaring at him furiously. He had a coy smirk and a hand gun pointed directly at me. I heard it click the very next moment, already preparing himself for another shot. "But unlike Muraki, I kill you, deal or no deal. Do you want that? Everything Tsuzuki's given up to be a waste after you're dead. You both would be better off if you just walked home now."

"I don't have a home." Still staring daggers at him, I retorted. "Tsuzuki is the only thing I have left. I have nothing or no one to return to, so what's the point of leaving."

"For you can live, damn it! Don't be an idiot! Would you prefer to be shot?"

"I don't care." Suddenly running towards him, he fired and the immensely painful bullet imbedded itself into my chest. But I continued running.

"What the hell! You aren't suppose to be moving!" He hollered back, pulling the trigger three more times. Each time I made no attempt to dodge, and I finally reached him. One punch to his head, caused him to wobble enough for me to retrieve the gun.

"These wounds are nothing to a Shinigami! But for you, that's another story." Pointing the metallic weapon at him, he was now fearful and shivering.

"You're actually going to kill me! You, a bratty kid. I don't believe it!" He laughed mockingly despite his current condition. Sneering up I shot his right arm and then returned its direction to his head. As he wailed in pain, I saw tears collecting in his eyes.

"Do you really want to try me! If I'm going to kill Muraki once and for all, and you are trying to stop me, your life will be pointless to spare!" I saw myself reflected in his quivering eyes, I was scary. I didn't like the way I looked or who I had become, but for Tsuzuki...I would even kill.

The man fell to his knees and nodded. "Then go, I won't stop you."

A steady knock on the door, distracted Muraki from Tsuzuki. He slowly crawled off of the brunet and off of the bed. He heard a relieving sigh escape his lips the moment he was no longer pushing him down onto the bed. "Don't worry, Tsuzuki. This shouldn't take long." He smirked, "but just is case..." He watched his silver haired capture attach some restraints to the four corners of the metal headboard and footboard of the bed, and tried not to twitch as the restraints were tightened around his ankles. He moved up to the wrists, making certain each was very secure. "I can't having you trying to escape while I'm gone, now can I?" He smiled seductively and rubbed the soft skin of Tsuzuki's cheek before leaving to answer the door.

His eyes widened at seeing a bleeding Fukushima, leaning heavily against the wall. "Sorry, Muraki. He'll be here any moment. And he's rather determined to kill you once and for all." He struggled to say, cupping his bleeding arm.

Muraki's expression quickly dropped to a frown. "I think its about time to get rid of that brat once and for all." He strolled away after locking the door behind him.

I limbed my way down the hall, still baffled by why Muraki would still be inside the hotel and not somewhere far away. Holding the wounds from the bullets, the excruciating pain didn't last long as my Shinigami ability started to take affect. Leaving only faded blood stains as the holes closed up, I swiftly made my way to where I thought that jerk would be staying.

I found a glass vase center placed on a table in the hall, and decided it would be safice enough when I run out of bullets for Fukushima's gun. If I was going to kill him, I was going to make sure it was done right. Breaking the vase quickly, I gather the largest, sharp piece I could find.

"Hisoka." I heard my name being said with annoyance. "You truly are my biggest threat, not to mention the most frustrating." I saw his cold expression, and it made me scared for just a moment.

"Where's Tsuzuki, you bastard!" I snapped back to reality.

"It's no longer your concern. Tsuzuki belongs to me now. I offered you a chance to leave and forget this ever happened, but you insist on making Tsuzuki's efforts worthless. And now because of your stupidity, he will suffer more for your lost."

I yelled angrily and took no time to draw out the gun, pulling the trigger rapidly. I watched in pure bliss as two bullets hit their target. Unfortunately enough, Muraki was not dead just badly hurt. I ran over to him as he was still caught with surprise, and punched him in the face. He fell to his knees from the brutality and force, but this was not nearly enough pain he must receive.

I let him scramble up onto his feet only to be shot down by yet another bullet to his left knee. "I won't let you get away for what you did to Tsuzuki!" After letting Muraki suffer awhile, surrounded by his own cold blood, I prepared to make the final blow. I jerked him by the collar and held out the glass, I'd rather slice his throat and watch him bleed to death then allow him the pleasure of a quick blow to the head.

Just as I was about to slice him, he burst into cruel laughter. His eerie voice echoed through the hall, making hesitate. "You expect it to be this easy. Even if you managed to kill me, I will only come back with more fury than before. I dare you to end my life, but I swear it will not be last you hear of me. Tsuzuki will be mine once again." I sneered as a trickled of blood ran down from his mouth.

"You know what..." I let his collar go roughly and pulled a long wire from my pocket. "I've thought of how I would in your life for so long now. And I've decided I would do it in a way I would have to listen to your crappy voice." I wrapped it around his firm looking neck. I wrapped it around my fist as well. My hands swiftly pulled the wire. I listened to him squirm and gasp for air. His sentences cut off every few seconds. I knew what Muraki did was unforgivable, and what I was doing to him was just as bad. Unfortunately the sound of his screams and pleads, brought warmth to my ears, a warmth only brought when you enjoy taking lives as much as you enjoy living.

I pulled tighter, hearing his screams become softer. I was actually smiling as I did so, but inside I was just as helpless as he was. Inside I was helpless to control myself from bring what I thought as a equal punishment. Inside I screamed and begged myself not to kill him, but one part of me thought it was the only way out. At the very top of my voice I screamed for his freedom, our justice. Another way to avenge Tsuzuki's suffering.

Sadly to say my screams weren't enough on the outside. Their was no one to hear my screams, my faint cries for help. Hope of being pulled back into the real world. Muraki tossed and turned like a worm. His legs twitched in a delightful way to me. His body slowed, and almost came to a complete halt. I pulled so hard the wires cut my hands and left small, thin blood lines to remind me. Finally, the absolutely satisfying silence came. Muraki's squirming limbs fell slowly at his side, his neck askew as there was no remaining breath. I released the wire and watched startlingly as the lifeless body fell beneath me. I didn't bother stand back up as his blood from the shots, spilt across the floor. My eyes now covered in a hazy disbelief, stared at the dark red blood. My hands were stained in his blood, his evil blood. Muraki's expression was mutilated and breath-takingly scary, as if he would come back to life the very next second and laugh at this cruel, sick joke.

Suddenly realization struck me and my eyes flooded with tears. They carried relief and sorrow. I cried, because I knew what I had done and did nothing to prevent it, also I cried because Tsuzuki was finally free, but me on the other hand was still imprisoned. I was trapped between my two selves. The cruel, merciless, selfish me and the kind, merciful, and giving me. I was blinded by hate and let that side of me take hold. I actually killed somebody...I actually killed another living being. Regardless of him being evil, I still took another life. Not only that, I have been cursed. Muraki had managed to win once again. I was now tainted with his blood, with his sin. I was to live carrying the burdens he's left me with.

I slowly approached the door, using the key Muraki had on him, I unlocked it. It squeaked loudly as Tsuzuki steadily came into view. I saw him lying there, chained to the bed, he was astonished to see me. I raced over, immediately undoing the locks. The moment he was freely he embraced me, crying all the more. I held the tears that still possessed me to cry so pathetically in the hall just moments before.

Murmuring sorrowfully I said, "...I killed him...I actually killed Muraki..."

To Be Continued...

A/N: Wow, a raise of hands, who actually saw that coming? But of course this is not the last chapter! And I hope all of you will be happy to know there will be a squeal! That's if you all want one after the final chapter which is next!


	17. Simple Mistakes Is All It Takes

**Finale**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Simple Mistakes Is All It Takes**

I've never realized how much one little mistake could effect everything. And not just the usual awkwardness that you receive when recognized as a murder. A simple mistake I had made then was so careless and insignificant then, but now made the biggest deal where I stand.

As expected the police arrived quickly after the demise of Muraki, and bombarded me with questions of my defense. I was just lucky enough they knew Muraki's past crimes of murder and kidnapping, and I got off with self-defense. But I knew very well my life wasn't in much danger, as long as I was Shinigami, I couldn't die twice by mere bullets and cuts. In my eyes I was a murder; Muraki didn't have a chance to even touch me. I made sure of that when I tortured him a much deserved death.

If not for the cops showing up, I won't have realized my simple mistake so soon. They arrived just in time to see the helpless Tsuzuki crying in my arms and me with a mournful expression. I couldn't just sit there embracing him while they watch, so I did what any scared, confused boy would do. I left Tsuzuki's side. Even if just for a little while, it made all the difference.

When I came back from questioning, Tsuzuki was being cared for by the paramedics. He was shivering sadly though a thick blue blanket was wrapped tightly around his shoulders. I supposed they asked him questions of his kidnapping, but I doubt he'd ever tell them about the rape. So I calmly walked over there, receiving the kind eyes of the paramedic, who understood I wanted to speak to him alone, and quietly left.

"Tsuzuki..." I tried to say with as much kindness as I could grasp, though I still wanted to cry.

I saw his whole body tense with a jerk at the sound of my voice. His head dropped a whole four inches as his violet eyes avoid my stern look. And without the slightest mention of not feeling in the mood to talk, Tsuzuki just up and left. Not a word was exchange, not a glace was shared, not even a loving embrace as a parting gift. I didn't know what to say as I watched him walk away. I thought it was just the frightening truth that scared off. I didn't want to blame him for not wanting to talk, after all he had been through so much.

But it became clear that wasn't the case when Tsuzuki completely ignored my whole existence on the plain ride home, which was so kindly provided by the police. No matter what mindless small talk I tried to start he would brush me off with a shrug or a self-reflecting glare. He was defiantly mad at me, but for what? What had I done to scare him away? I had come back for him, rescued him, and as the real me no less. Could it be he still thinks I'm not the real Hisoka? Maybe he's mad because he thinks 'I' didn't come for him.

I suddenly quickly drawn from my line of thought as a serving lady on the small plane accidentally dropped a coffee cup onto the floor, and it shattered into many pieces.

"Are you okay?!" An assistant pilot asked, quickly rushing over to assist her.

"I'm fine." She smiled back politely. "Thanks for asking though."

Then it hit me. My simple and almost unnoticeable mistake; except Tsuzuki was the one to notice it. I had save his life, come back for him, returned after my long absence, and the first thing I say is I fucking kill Muraki. At such a fragile moment there were more important things that needed to be said. Why I had left? How I had missed him and done everything to see him again? And at the very least asked him if he was alright. Through his eyes I must be the most selfish person that ever lived! I abandoned him, and return with words of my trouble, my well-being. Of all the things I could have said, I said that! And then I left so shortly after saying it! No wonder Tsuzuki completely brushed me off, to him, I don't care about anything that has happened! But I do care about him, more than anything in the entire universe!

Finally the words that I wanted to say...the words I should have said to him at that moment. Words that I've been running from, neglecting because I was afraid of its meaning.

I love you, Tsuzuki...

Now I know how saying those words would have made all the difference in the world. And all I want is to explain myself to him. To tell him those simple words with such a huge meaning. I want to confess everything, but do I have the strength...will he even listen to what I have to say?

"I'm so glad your back, Hisoka!" Exclaimed a rather excited Watari. Clapping his hands in cheerfulness he gave me a comforting smile. Though it seemed to creep me out when he was too comforting.

I smiled in return and looked at Tatsumi's face. He hadn't said anything yet, while everyone else was overwhelming me with words of concern and loneliness. I very pleased though, everyone had welcomed me back as if nothing had ever happened.

A party was thrown in celebration of Tsuzuki's and my safe return. All the Shinigami were there, except Tsuzuki. I had a feeling it was another of his successful attempts to avoid me again. But why go through all the trouble of missing everyone else who has missed him? I walked around the crowd office making small talk, but was suddenly jerked out into an empty hallway by a furious brunet with glasses.

I was startled to see such a serious expression on Tatsumi's face. It nearly gave me shivers as I watched those cold eyes glower at me. "What happened when Tsuzuki went to go save you?!" He asked in a very loud whisper.

"Huh?" His question caught me off guard.

"Ever since you came back, he's been different. No one sees him any more, which is very unusual for him." He explains to me, calming down slightly.

I looked away pretending to think, but I was really worried about how I could tell him what happened. I always had a feeling Tatsumi liked Tsuzuki more than a friend or co-worker, and this conversation only heightened my suspicions. And if he did feel something for Tsuzuki how could I just come out and say, 'Tsuzuki got raped by Muraki to save me'. But I had no better explanation...

"Tatsumi...I don't know how to say this because I don't know if Tsuzuki even wants anyone to know." I run off and glace quickly at those furious eyes then shot my stare back to the wall. "...Muraki...he...and...Tsuzuki...well...uh..." I mumbled off without even getting one point across, but some how Tatsumi caught on.

"You let that bastard touch Tsuzuki?!" He bellowed in conclusion, I nod in shame. The very next moment my face went sore as a vengeful fist met with it. I suppose I deserved that, but I'd rather have Tsuzuki punch me, since it was him I had hurt. "You of all people should be protecting him the most." He snapped at me. I stare back with a guilty look. Deciding I had punished myself with thoughts of guilt, he backed away. "I won't forgive you Hisoka, if you hurt him again." And with such a cold statement he left me.

I'd make sure to keep that in mind. The best thing for me to do right now is find him and apologize. It took me some time of asking around, to find out where Tsuzuki was staying. He would never go back to our apartment, knowing I would be there.

I was surprised to find the door to his apartment unlocked as I made my into the suspiciously dark room. I just hoped he wasn't kidnapped again. I traveled my way through an empty hallway, passing several equally empty rooms. He haven't any boxes or belongings which is strange for someone who is moving into a new building. When I finally reached the end of the hall, there was bedroom with its only door closed.

"Tsuzuki..." I whispered pushing it open slightly. The room, much like the rest of the apartment was pitch black and its only light was provided by the setting sun.

When I received no response, I opened the door more and saw a lonely figure sitting on the bed. His back was to me as he faced the window. A large light blue sheet was draped over his head and around his shoulders as he hugged his knees close to his chest. I tip-toed over to him, he acted as if he hadn't heard me.

"Hisoka..." I hear him whisper with a stressed voice, as if any moment now he burst into tears. "You came back?" He asked, which was a even bigger surprise to me. I was expecting to be asked why I left?

"You don't want me back?" I countered with another questioned.

I saw him tense with that question. Quickly he folded his arms around his head, shielding me from his face as I sat down beside him. "I do..." He mumbles. "But it means..." I will have to confess, I finished the thought. "I glad your back..."

"Then what's the problem?" I asked trying not to sound eager for a reasonable answer.

"I can't help but miss 'you'." My expression sneered in confusion. What is he talking about? Does he mean he kind of missed the other 'Hisoka'? "I was happy when I found out you were safe, though you were living with Muraki. But when I realized you hadn't returned to us on your own I was disappointed. You didn't remember anyone...you didn't remember me. I missed the real you more and more each day...then when 'he' kissed me..." He paused and looked at me for the first time since I saved him. I saw a small blush come over his face. "I was happy...that time and those other times. But I knew it wasn't the real you. My heart kept telling me that...but my mind was satisfied with the new you." A shy tear made its way to his eye and slowly fell. "I liked the new you...so I didn't mind when he kissed me and flirted. Even when-" He hesitated followed by more tears. "he touched me in my sleep. I wasn't really asleep though...so I knew what was going on." I could feel my face turn hot with that confession. I recalled that night, and I hated him for it. Suddenly I am drawn from my thoughts when he embraces me immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist an burring his head into my chest. His tears fell cold as the soaked my shirt. "I like it, Hisoka!" He cried. "I liked it when he loved me...cause I hoped it would be you in the end! I hate myself for that! I wanted to wait for you! So that you could prove it!"

I brush his silky brunet hair and smiled sadly. "I don't blame you for it, Tsuzuki." I whisper to him in a soothing voice.

"I love you, Hisoka!" He yells into my chest, causing my heart to flutter. "I...loved you...before all that...and I still love you now!" He manages to say between rough sorrowful breaths.

My heart bet faster than any other I could recall. My throat went dry and my eyes wetting at the sound of those words.

I fell guilt for what I had done. No matter what I do I end up hurting him. Before this I couldn't even admit to myself I had fallen in love with Tsuzuki. But there were always sighs there, clueing Tsuzuki to wait for me. But I kept him waiting, even then when I disappeared. He had made such huge sacrifices for me, and all I can do in return his give him more pain. The whole thing with Muraki is my fault. If not for me seeing his murder, I wouldn't have become a Shinigami and met Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki wouldn't have face Muraki to help me in my revenge. Tsuzuki wouldn't had sacrificed his life at the very beginning. He wouldn't have been kidnapped and raped. He wouldn't be suffering like this. It was all my fault.

"I'm sorry Tsuzuki..." I murmured, pulling him closer in the embrace. His eyes widened in result. "I love you..." Burring my head in his hair I gave a fake smile. "You are everything to me. You are precious to me. You are my reason to live and die. Yet I take advantage of you...and for that I am sorry. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you, Hisoka!" He exclaimed, surprised I had asked such a question.

I grimaced and lifted his chin, drawing him into a soft, chaste kiss. "Thank you, Tsuzuki."

I had managed to convince Tsuzuki to move back in though it would be different to live with the one you love. The first week was to be expected, shy and quiet to each other unless avoided completely. I suppose Tsuzuki still felt guilty for feeling for the forward 'me'. I forgave him though it was me who felt sorry.

"Hisoka, you have visitors." Tsuzuki tells me, barely poking a head through my bedroom door.

I get up and answer the front door, surprised to see two young boys there. One had reddish-orange spiky hair and childishly sweet brown eyes. He seemed extremely perky and carefree compared to the other, who looked grumpy and serious beyond measure. He had long black hair and cold hazel eyes. They both wore school uniforms, containing white short sleeve, button up shirts and loose blue slacks.

"Hisoka! Where have you been?! You disappeared right after the field trip! Me and Sanaka have been so worried!" The red head proclaimed hyperactively. Then it hit me, these two must be the friends 'I' had made at 'my' school.

"Are you skipping because you lost the bet?" Sanaka questioned with a glare.

"Actually I'm not skipping, cause I'm not coming back." I explained, causing both boys to gasp, wide eyed.

"But why, Hisoka?" Ketsu whined. "Okay, forget the bet, you don't have to do the work! Just come back!" He begged.

"It's not the bet." I say, trying to conceal the annoyance his loud whining had caused. "I just don't belong there."

"Why aren't you at Muraki's?" Sanaka interrupts. "It took us forever to find out where you were staying. Did you runaway?" From the corner of his eye, Sanaka spotted a glimpse of Tsuzuki spying on the conversation. "Or are you two interloping?" He glares at me.

Ketsu suddenly brightens up with a huge smile. "Aw, young adolescents in love! So you are living with Tsuzuki now, great!"

I blush at their statements and look shyly back at Tsuzuki. "Well...um..." I started off trying to explain, but no matter how I thought of saying it, it didn't sound right.

Lucky for me, Ketsu shoved a gift bag into my hands the next moment. "We just thought you two could use this when ever." He winked with a proud smile and grabbed Sanaka by the arm. "We better be living now! I hope to see you again, Hisoka! Oh, and tell me as soon as you use your gift!" He chirps cheerfully before dragging Sanaka down the hall and through the entrance.

"That was...odd." I commented on their visit. Closing the door behind me, I curiously opened the gift. "What the-!" Staring roughly at the gift, my whole face burst into red. Since I hadn't won the bet, those two must still be trying to get me and Tsuzuki together. Within the beautifully color gift bag was a bottle of chocolate syrup , hand cuffs, and a tube of lube.

"Hisoka, what's the matter?" Tsuzuki asks approaching me. Immediately I shove the vulgar items into the bag, before Tsuzuki got a good look at them.

"Oh, nothing." I laughed. I would be crazy and out of my mind to even consider using this stuff right after what happened with Muraki. Tsuzuki would never speak to me if he knew about the bet in the first place, though it wasn't 'me' that made it. He looked at me suspiciously, silently accepting that answer as he walked away. I sighed loudly once he was gone. "That was close. What are those two thinking, giving me such a present?"

I rushed to my room to hide the gift for the next year, but knowing Tsuzuki he would follow and spy. He might already be in my room, waiting for me. I look carefully around, to make sure Tsuzuki isn't hiding anywhere in my room. But since I'm so paranoided, I was too tired to hide the present by then. Instead I slipped it under my pillow and plopped down heavily on the mattress. I sighed loudly, allowing my eyes to slip farther down as sleep began to come.

"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki's voice whispered from my doorway. He had no doubly waited for me to sleep for he could find out. So I pretend to be asleep in order to prove my speculations. Instead of rumaging through the room like any other curious child, Tsuzuki; extremely surprisingly, jumped on me. I yelled in great agony as the man sat up on my crushed stomach. "You're a loosy pretender Hisoka." He gave me a flat look. "You should really practice on your acting."

"Well, I doubt I would ever use such a talent if it wasn't for situations like this." I bark back with irriation. Suddenly I realize how we look in this position. Tsuzuki's legs were on either side of me as he sat childishly on my stomach. His hands pinning me down, roughly pushing down my chest. "What are you up to?" I ask with great suspicion.

He smiles innocently, making a light blush cross my face. "Come on, Hisoka! Please, show me the gift!" He begs.

"No." I replied bluntly.

"That's not fair! Ketsu said it was for both of us, so why is it you're the only one who gets to use it?!" He agrues, reminding me of a six year old begging to use dad's tools.

"You don't want it, believe me." I said dryily, which wasn't very convincing. Instead it sounded as if I didn't want him to have it, because I wanted it all for myself.

"You're selfish, Hisoka." He pouts, "it's a gift, so why wouldn't I want it?"

"You sure you want it?" I ask seriously for once. "If you are really sure, there is no turning back."

He looks at me astonished by such a statement. He thought for awhile, whether or not he would regret it. He eventually smiled and nodded. "I'm sure." I shake my head disappointingly.

"Childs." I murmur in disbelief. "Fine, help yourself." I pull the beg from underneath my pillow and toss it to him. He stares curiously at the bag and then back at me. "Now would you mind getting off?" I asked coldly.

He doesn't seem to hear me as he holds the tube of lube in his hands. "What is this, Hisoka?" He looks at me innocently, making me believe he was truly pure in mind.

"You've never heard of lube before?" I questioned surprisingly. I sit up, making him sliding farther down into my lap. Which may be a bad thing if he feels my unexpectingly harding member over the past few minutes.

He shakes his head. "How do you use it?" My whole face turns red, I didn't want to be the one to explain anything like that to him. When I don't answer, he asks another question that he thinks I may be able to answer. "Then can you show me?" My whole face is burning at the question. Of course I've thought of doing things like that with Tsuzuki, but would never considered them in fear he might run for. "Please." He begged.

I sigh frustratingly and lean closer to Tsuzuki. Gently, I pull his face to mine, our lips touching slowly. I can tell he is in shock, he hasn't moved at all. I reach my arm around him and draw him closer, yet he doesn't pull back. He eventually understands and kisses me back. I keep the kiss simple for as long as I can stand and then try to slip my tongue in. Surprisingly enough, Tsuzuki willingly opens his mouth and allows the wet intrusion. My smile inwardly when an esactic moan escapes him. A tingly feeling runs over my entire body when I feel his tongue in return, playing with mine.

We parted for a much needed breath and panted heavily. Flicking his tongue out, Tsuzuki lazily drew it across my lips. I smiled embarassingly and took his bottom lip into my mouth and gently nibbled on it. Closing his eyes as my hands slid up under the meaningless shirt Tsuzuki wore. I could feel his skin burned like fire wherever I touched. I grinned and tugged off the shirt, leaving his chest bare before returning my arms around his neck and pressing our lips together once more.

I didn't expect Tsuzuki to be so willing, or this forward. He ran his hands up and down my back, stroking the smooth skin. His hands gradually slid around between our bodies where he began toying with the fly of my jeans. I part once again, roughly.

"Didn't you want me to teach you, or do you already know?" I smirk knowingly. A light blush covered his cheeks and he removed his hands from my pants.

I laughed and unwrapped my arms from his waist, allowing my fingers to dance over Tsuzuki's crotch as I slowly lowered the zipper. He lifted his hips and I shoved the garment down Tsuzuki's long, firm legs.

My hands moved to Tsuzuki's bare ass, massaging it while the violet eyed brunet ground downward, rubbing his member against my still covered member.

"I would expect you to be rejecting after what happened with Muraki." I remarked, my hand slipping back around to Tsuzuki's limp member and kiss him chastely. Taking hold the base of Tsuzuki's lenght, I began stroking it with long, firm strokes, grinning against Tsuzuki's mouth when I felt it harden.Rising slightly

"I love you, Hisoka." Tsuzuki moaned, breaking our kiss. "I want to do this... with you." He gasped in a raspy voice.

"Shh..." I whisper soothingly and with my free hand, I pulled out the lube. Coating my fingers, "now, here is how you use this." I explained pressed one digit up against Tsuzuki's entrance, causing him to yelp startlingly. Teasing the rim, I watched the way the brunet delightfully whimpered.

I hurriedly captured his lips once more as I plunged a second finger into the small opening. He growled loudly between our mouths, until I slipped my tongue in. His exasperate whines turned into husky moans as my tongue and finger worked simultaneously, darting in and out. I smile loving at his muffled whimpers as he clutched my shirt in a desperate attempt to rip it off.

I gladly remove my apparal after jabbing a third fnger roughly into Tsuzuki. He yelped louder as he was being strentched more.

"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki yelled in frustration, once my clothes were tossed aside.

A smirk crossed my lips. It was adorable having Tsuzuki call for me needingly.

I took the lube once more and spread the substance into my palm, and began stroking my own length.

"This is going to hurt for awhile, Tsuzuki." I explain, laying the brunet completely down on the bed. He stares at me innocently as I line my hard member up against his hole, pressing only the tip inside. My body suddenly trembled with excitement as the anticipation of being inside Tsuzuki was so close at hand.

"Ready?" I ask, he nods and closes his eyes in anticipation of pain. And quickly I push in, ramming myself all the way inside the petite entrance.

I forced my lips over Tsuzuki's as I began a steady rhyme in and out. I can hear his muffled screams and moans less as he adjusts to me. We both panted heavily as I pounded more and more. He gripped my shoulders and rocked with the movement trying, needing to take in as much of me cock as he could. His own erection was rubbing nicely between our bodies creating a nice friction, making it even harder than it already had been.

Moving more swiftly I hit a prostate, causeing Tsuzuki errupt in loud moans of pleasure. His face covered with a layer of sweat and red as I hit that same spot once more. "Hisoka!" He yells in pure bliss again and again as we come closer to release.

With the final thrust, I spilled my release inside Tsuzuki while he climaxed between us. Feeling empty yet complete I collasped onto the panting brunet.

"Hisoka..." I hear Tsuzuki murmur with much struggle since I am on top of him. "I love you..." After a few minutes, I finally managed to gather the strength to pull out and roll to my side so that I was no longer squishing my exhausted lover.

"I love you too, Tsuzuki." I murmured, cuddling close to the sexy brunet. Together we shared a quick, gentle kiss before Tsuzuki layed his head against my neck.

"Will we remain like this forever?" He asked me in a light daze.

I smiled and laugh tiredly. "Forever. I'll stay with...forever."

Love. No other word could express the feelings I had for Tsuzuki. Since the very beginning he has haad my heart. I'm just glad we both realized how much we really care about each other before it was to late. Hopefully now Tsuzuki understands exactly how much he means to me. He is everything to me. I have someone to protect, to love, to charess, to hold; I have someone precious to me. Someone sacred and pure to me. An angel that will remain with me always. Tsuzuki. He is my sanctuary...

The End!

A/N: Omg, I actually finished it! Wow, I'm so happy now! This is one of my favorite stories I've written, I really hope its yours too! I am looking forward to your reviews!if I know how many people like this fic, then I can really be inspired to do the squeal! So see ya soon! And see I made this chapter super long for it to be more memorable!


	18. End Notes! A Sequel!

Yay, I finally put up the first chapter to my new sequel to 'My Sanctuary' I hope you all go read it. If you want to find out what happens after this fic. Sorry, it took so long, I was having writers block and I had to devise a story plot. I couldn't just make the story up as I go along, everything would be so mixed up and confusing. So I made sure to make longer than usual for your long wait. Forgive me! Oh and for those who haven't read the manga of Yami No Matsuei, like myself, you won't know who the Shinigami lord is, but its alright, he isn't to major, so you can still understand the story. So see ya at my other fic, 'My Purgatory' - 


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